The Fork Elite
Every fork I've ever used has had one of the middle tines bent outwards. Every fork of every material and country of origin, of all brands.
I introduce to you this diagram:
Picture these as holes that the tines would make if a fork were stabbed through your screen. Ideally, it would create four equally spaced holes.
However, this is simply not the case.
It seems that the tine configuration is always anything BUT this ideal: take, for instance, the following common arrangements:
The fact is, there are any number of random patterns the tines can fall into. The general public may write this off as a simple error - maybe the forks were bumped in transport, or some idiot employee dropped a batch during manufacturing. These are all one-off incidents though. See, think about what the odds are that every single fork manufacturer has fucked up in the exact same manner. I'll save you the time: the odds are PRETTY SLIM.
After years of careful thought and consideration I have narrowed down the possible options and have concluded the only rational explanation: every fork dealer is part of one monopolised cutlery conglomerate manufacturing web. They thought they could pull the wool over everyone's eyes, but the morons all use the same mold for the head of the fork because, as we know, capitalists are lazy and will stifle innovation at every available opportunity.
As far as I can tell there has been no other research conducted on this phenomenon anywhere else online. I can only imagine the truth has been stifled and suffocated within the grip of big business. They have long fronted this false utopia where anyone can sell their own cutlery in a booming market but this couldn't be further from the truth. The time has come to wield their tools against them, my friends.
For all the non-believers and skeptics out there, I understand how difficult it is having your worldview so utterly shaken: I ask you to conduct a simple test.
Often the differences in the tines are too small to notice with your eyes; your teeth, however, are much more sensitive to the small differences that are present in these forks. If you bite on the end of your fork - lightly, at first, before increasing the pressure - the truth will be made clear. I implore all readers, try this at home. Go to your drawer right now and check your forks.