1. Paris Hilton: Yes, a thousand times yes. She literally is the blueprint. She basically co-founded cuntology.
2. Vin Diesel: No, his head looks like the outside of a ball sack <3
3. Tight Jeans on boys: Kind of a serve, but only whenever they have the personality to go with it. Very they/them coded fr.
4. Smoking: Omg, addictionnnnnnnnnnnnn <3 (I'm joking, smoking is only for middle aged doctors who are trapped in an unfulfilling career, and their middle aged suburban wives who may or may not be looking for an alternative solution to being attracted to men).
5. Drinking: Ewwwwwwwwwww, alcohol is like if flavored water was made from chemical warfare and slave labor. It basically should constitute as a war crime.
6. Big butts: My sister got, like, two BBLs but she's still stuck working at Publix :-///
7. Skateboarders: Chuck E. was a skater before they made him a minor.
8. Surfers: Yeah, I like Australians.
9. Corvettes: Hot, but only because the people who own them have money.
10. Weddings: OMG, LIKE WHENEVER PRINCESS CADANCE GOT MARRIED TO SHINING ARMOR??????? DEF HOT!
11. Mini skirts: Hot.
12. Ripped Jeans: I used to wear ripped jeans all the time, but one day I tripped and got this, like, knarly gash on my knee. It's been, like, over a year and the scar STILL won't heal so I, like, totally can't even wear shorts anymore :-///
13. Rhinestones on clothing: Hot.
14. Pierced Nose: I treat girls with nose piercings the same way that I treat friends. Whenever making a friend, never your secrets do you tell, for whenever your friend becomes your foe, over the world, your secrets will go.
15. Tattoos: Ugh, HARD PASS. Sorry, not sorry. Can't vibe with it. Can't even jive.
16. Pierced Lip: Like, how do you even makeout with those things???
17. Pierced cheeks: The only facial piercings I like are eyebrows and noses. The rest are for Emos.
18. Facial tattoos: I hate gang warfare :-(
19. Temporary Tattoos: Hell yeah, my cousin, Andres, loves those things. At least, he used to. I haven't seen him since his Father took him back to Mexico 7 years ago. What a loser, tbh. Like, I can't even speak Spanish or anything :-/
20. Criss Angel: Literally as old as my Father and not in the hot way, so.....
21. Jonas Brothers: I knew a girl in elementary school who had a Jonas Brother's backpack. She ended up bullying me until it started becoming popular to be black, so I then bullied her for being directly related to a slave owner and got her kicked out of the highschool play. Which, like, how's it feel, bitch? I was a better Ariel than you anyway!
22. Justin Timberlake: He's...idk what I'm supposed to be reacting to. Like, there's nothing here that's reaction worthy....I mean, he's here, I guess...
23. Jessica Biel: Okay, she's kinda mogging me tho....
24. One night stands: Have you ever even HAD herpes before? Talk about GROSSSSSSSS
25. Dressing a dog: Pass.
26. Shoes for dogs: Pass.
27. Thongs: Hot.
28. Leggings: Pass. It's not the 80's anymore.
29. Jean jackets: Only if it had Cheetah or Zebra print on it.
30. Online flirting: Hot.
31. Public displays of affection: Hot until your boyfriend's friends tattle on you :-///
32. pink clothing on guys: Omg, I have a best friend like this!
33. Long hair on guys: Like Jesus? I'll always rate Jesus a "Hot". I'm not going to hell :-/
34. Mustaches: Pedophiles, Gym teachers, and white he/theys kinda eat them up ngl
35. High school sweethearts: Ugh, I wish that was me :-///
36. Prom queen: My sister was Prom Queen once. After she was crowned, she went missing only to pop up 4 months later tho. She never told us what happened, but she seemed fine so we didn't press her about it. That was about 7 years ago at this point.
37. School dances: Omg, that reminds me of the one time that a middle school boy got a bit too excited and started grinding against this random girl during the valentine's day ball and ended up getting the entire thing cancelled. HARD. PASS.
38. Detention: Where the hot bitches reside.
39. Guys who cuss a lot: Couldn't care less either way tbh.
40. Girls who spit: Jonas brothers backpack girl used to do that all the time back in middle school until her Mother caught her doing it one day and hit her in the back so hard, she fell off the second story and broke...a leg or something. I don't really know, I didn't really care all that much. All I remember is there being, like, ambulances and shit and both her and her Mother being taken away while Mr. Magura was trying to teach Math. Which is like, SO weird. Like why would we be listening to you talk about PEMDAS or whatever when we could be watching a teenage girl writhe in path? It's like if reality tv was ACTUALLY in reality. Anyway, I never did see her Mother again after that. Probably got arrested or something, idk. At least Jonas Brothers backpack girl never spat again, so I'm sure God got what he wanted whenever he gave her Mother's fist that extra punch.
41. Scars: Omg, back to number 12, do you guys even realize how hard it is to live in Florida and NOT be able to wear skirts and shorts? I swear. The heat is so awful here, you'd think that they would've ACTUALLY made the discovery of Florida being the 10th layer of Hell by now :-/
42. You: (I just spent the past hour creating the most convoluted lore for a girl that doesn't even exist lmao. This is just how I would imagine someone actually replying to said questionnaires during the late 2000's)
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