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non-monogamous friends, come say hi?

how are you?
what's the best part about being non-monogamous?
how do you cope in a society that deems non-monogamy as "disloyal" or "for cheaters"?


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the best part of being nonmonog, for me, is that i finally get to live my truth. i dealt with severe issues with abandonment/rejection for YEARS and couldn't do the work, so i didn't want to acknowledge my innate polyamory. i was monogamously married to a strictly monogamous person and had been with him for 8 years, and for 8 years i struggled through crushes for other people cropping up - including one major one that existed before i even met my husband. i was constantly wondering "what if i had dated (x)?", i was lamenting that i would never get a chance to be with a woman (i'd never dated one before), and i even came to the conclusion that it's weird to be forced to choose just one person, because there are so many cool people out there as well as your partner. i couldn't admit that i was polyamorous until early this year, which then contributed to the separation from my husband (he didn't want to be with a polyam person, and that's his choice). after a couple of months, i started dating a couple of friends i had developed crushes on, and that long-lasting crush i mentioned before is now my anchor partner. c:Β 


so yeah, there are a lot of people in my ex's life who think the worst of me because he revealed that intimate detail without my consent (he was venting, but it's still not great due to the stigma), and they know i moved on with at least one other person. but i've never cheated, even when i was interested in exploring other relationships, and i have confidence in myself knowing that. people who take me in bad faith aren't worth my time.


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Reply by Alice

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how are you?

relaxed. I've been studying a lot lately and taking lots of breaks with my wife to relax

what's the best part about being non-monogamous?

the way it feels is like how most people have lots of friends, but a little different because you don't have to hold back your hearts if intimacy organically develops. being able to deeply connect with others is beautiful. multiple loves, romantic friendships, intimate friendships, intimate platonic friendships, all of those are wonderful and totally depend on the way you and another person connect. romances were a gray-colored prison to me before this. being finally free of the shackles of jealousy, which did not feel like the real me, is also wonderful. also since I'm a lesbian, I won't exactly build a family in the traditional way, so it's a godsend to be able to have more meaningful and definite relationships.

how do you cope in a society that deems non-monogamy as "disloyal" or "for cheaters"?

I just mostly stay quiet. It's still something that comes with a lot of fear and shame. that enforced shame can make me overly emotional, hide myself, try to figure out how other people perceive loving multiple people before I open up about non-monogamy, or try to make little changes to myself to avoid being (in my self-critical eyes) "worthy of ridicule" for it. I'm the sensitive type and really will cry if someone looks down on me for loving multiple people. it's especially difficult for me since my go-to form of love is cute affection, rather than romance, and my preferred kinds of physical contact are innocent cuddling or hugging/kissing, rather than sex. there's a constant internal struggle between the need to connect deeply with other
girls vs anxiety about how prejudiced they might be.


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Reply by Br00talKris

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WADDDUPPPP NIGGASS


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