Have you heard of the real Santa Claus?

I've heard, they say, that Santa Claus is actually real. No, no, I know what you're thinking, but listen, to be honest, Santa Claus is real. This is not a joke, or some kind of put on, or a costume your grandpappy puts on when he's putting gifts under your Christmas Tree. Santa Claus is very real, and he bears the Christmas Spirit wherever he goes. They say, they say, even seeing his likeness in an image can conjure up such spirits and their reminiscences. Calls of bells and carols too, Santa drives them all perhaps to your doorstep, and down your chimney. The thing is, though, he does not keep any petty lists of naughty and nice, nor get his hands covered in coal, or come around for cookies nor milk. No, no, you do all that, you know, to be honest, they say. But Santa Claus knows when you are sleeping, and knows when you're awake, and even if you're the one who keeps the lists and fills your stocking with coal or cookies at your own behest, you might as well be good for goodness sake, cause that's the Christmas Spirit, or at least one aspect, they say, with which Santa Claus is particularly aligned. So Ho Ho Ho, you know, and a Merry Christmas, from me to you, and you to who, ever else might know, you know.