how do i study for a subject i absolutely despise

For context, i am REALLY bad at chemistry, maybe because i cant understand shit my teacher taught/teaches, or maybe im just fucking stupid. But ive been having a really hard time understanding shit like stoichiometry (or just chem in general) and i have zero motivation to study for my finals (in 4-5 months)


(rant/vent(?)-ish)
i know its like a me problem because all my friends do so well in their academics and theyre so humble and nice i feel bad for even being in their vicinity 



i am so cooked (my igcse is in a year)(why did i even chose science stream)

off-topic:

i think add math as a subject is alright  (i have tuition for it) UNTIL I FUCKING FAILED MY FIRST PAPER. LITERATELY I KEEP GETTING THE SIMULTANEOUS EQUATIONS WRONG?? i know its one of the easiest topics in add math but my dumbass cant do it, ALSO PERMUTATIONS AND COMBINATIONS OMG i swear theyre gonna be the death of me

im so sorry for all the brackets and the random ass rant, you can ignore them.