Jude. Crown. Here.

Granted but you can only spend the money on cupcakes

Granted, but they're only useful for household chores.

Granted. A rather large pony appears right above your head and falls onto you, injuring the pony and killing you.

I totally repaired the rust dude and surprise! I ate your vehicles... yum

Grants your wish but you will get a freakishly long jagged nail on it that never grows but can never be clipped off.

I wish I could go back in time.

Congrats! Your modem is now strapped to a greyhound.

I wish I was a scientist

Your wish is corrupted in less than a month, but it's corrupted by a crypto spam bot who breaks the wish chain

I wish that I could visit the US on holiday

But a passenger attacked you, you called Saul and got the best legal repersentation ever.

I wish Howard would gtfo of my face

the headphones only play in one side, at 50% volume that cant be altered, and the wire has to be in a very specific shape or else they dont work

i want a jukebox in my living room

But you can only listen to justin bieber songs

I want to meet Lionel Messi

you meet him when he’s older and he’s actually really boring to talk to

i wish i could read minds

But everyone around you have dark thoughts

I wish Mr Krabs would pay me more

he pays you more but its not money its something useless like a candy wrapper

i wish i was more mentally healthy

You're more mentally healthy, but only through meth

I wish Mr White didn't have cancer

Mr White goes on to be an amazing scientist, but develops a supercancer to fuck over anyone he doesn't like 
idk i never watched breaking bad

i wish i had a never ending bag of peach rings

But, your computer needs to be powered by pouring human flesh into the computer in order for it to run.

I wish for a infinite supply of playstation 3 games

Granted, but everything you create becomes sentient and tries to kill you. 

I wish for world peace. 

Granted, but now everyone lives together in one apartment complex.

I wish that tally hall gets back together

Granted, but they are literally together. As in they are sewed together at the waists.

I wish these damn wildfires would end.

granted, but a bird steals exactly $9.43 from you 7:00 pm every friday

Granted,but the ticket price is 7x higher now.

I wish gen5 mlp never existed-_-

e-hallpass is the online digital hall pass management tool for schools. Enhance control, security, and oversight of hall passes.

https://gab.com/ghtb/posts/110638021725712040

Granted.

You are now stuck in a time loop of permanent coma.

Playing the 'Corrupt A Wish Game,' I'd wish for Electrical Estimating Services that exceed expectations. Accurate estimates would grant projects seamless progress, turning wishes into reality. Reliable estimations, making dreams come true in the construction world.

my wish would to live forever in my favrote games

@Kirby you get to live in your favorite Pokemon game, but you stand to close to Musharna when dark mist comes from its body, and your greatest nightmares come to life.

I wish to read every book that ever has been or will be written, listen to every song that is ever made, and play every game there ever has been or ever will be made.

Granted! But everything else is frozen in time, but is mentally still in a constant state of living until you've done so, which could take thousands if not millions of years to do all of such with the number of just forgotten songs since the stone age and small indie niche terribly made movies and games that you must watch all of, but until then, all of humanity will be frozen in statue places seeing if their minds can take a million years of nothing but what was in front of them when you made your wish, until you finish every movie, song and video game in the past, present and very empty future!

I wish I had magic air that I could change its length, colour and style at will

granted. you now suffer from daily amnesia, allowing you to listen to the same song as if it’s the first time. 

i wish i could get exactly 9 hours of sleep every night and wake up refreshed every mornjg

granted. since mornjg isn't a thing, you will always be tired since 10 hours is the amount of time that you need to be refreshed in the morning and you will always be incredibly tired and unable to function properly.

I wish that aero was re-added as a theme in windows 11

Granted, only now all your apps are converted to the 2005 version and nothing runs right.

I wish I could wake up in the morning to a beautiful view out my window