I need help and don't know what to do

I want to move out, but I have nowhere to go and I'm scared of being homeless. I'm always being threatened to be beaten until my bones crush by my ""mom"". She doesn't think I deserve anything better in life. She'll just roll her eyes and call my mental and physical health problems " extra shit". I'm sick of being treated like this basically my whole life and I want to find somewhere else that would be safer to be. I'm started to have suicidal thoughts for the past several years and I tired of being miserable. I want to know what's good there could be in my life. I know I have problems and have self-destructive behavior, but my mom always try to shape me as some monster that loves to hurt people just because I have problems with my mental health. I just want to get better. I just want to be happy. Sometimes I feel like I don't fucking deserve anything.

I just don't want to bother my mom anymore. I just want to be a better person. I want to have my own independence so I don't have to bother anyone for help. I just want to be a regular person and not feel like I don't belong. 

I feel like no one I know will care(which is basically no one).