Idk if I relate. Maybe I could
Like
I say to my friends (who asked) that I'm aro because I don't want to discuss about it, but I think I already had crushes, but I hate the idea of ME dating them. Like. My day is full of joy if I see them for even a few seconds, I loved to talk to them, spend time with them, to be their friend basically. I like quickly daydreaming that I'm dating them. However. When I really try to imagine me, as myself, dating, I can't. I just can't picture it, it's cringe and I feel like it's not for me, I'm ill-at-ease. As if everybody had a special option in their system which I never had.
But it doesn't stop the fact that Im in love with the person.
Or would it be a platonic crush? Because as long as I'm Platonically close to the person, I wouldn't even mind them dating someone else. So
That's why I don't know if I can say I'm aromantic. Maybe I can't date because I just hate myself too much to think that anybody would ever fall in love with me for real. Or maybe it's aromantism. Idk and I avoid thinking about it lol