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How do you get over a Breakup?

Posted by lover

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Forum: Helping each other

Hey, 17F here. Just went through a horrible breakup with one of my best friends, and boyfriend. It's been about 3 weeks? And he hates me. Since then, I've had a combined 4 breakdowns, and maybe 2 trips to the hospital. I can't keep living like this. 


How can I make this better? What do I have to do? 


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Reply by Leasha

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Hi! I don't know the backstory but I hope you are ok. Sometimes people grow apart and sometimes it goes well and other times it doesn't. But it doesn't mean your life is over or that you'll never meet anyone else. People come and go, life has its ups and downs and maybe this happened to give you a better opportunity later. So don't give up on yourself bc of this. I know losing a relationship whether it be friendship or lover is really hard. But there are many other things in life you still have to experience and discover!!! Many people to meet, many places to see, etc!! So stay strong!! <3333 sending u lots of love and strength!!


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Reply by EngiQu33ring

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I don't mean to sound rude, but I don't think the people on SpaceHey can give you the kind of help you need with this. If you've had to make two trips to the hospital after breaking up with your boyfriend, you really need to seek consistent professional help.

If you're in the US, check out PsychologyToday's Find a Therapist tool. They can help you search by insurance provider, and if you're self-pay it's a good place to find practices that use a sliding scale payment system where you negotiate a price based on what you can afford.

Again, I'm not saying this to be rude or discourage you from reaching out to others, you should absolutely look to people in your life for a good network of support, this just sounds a lot more serious than people in an internet forum can reasonably help with. I really hope you find the resources and support in your life to get you through this.


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Reply by Henry/Kitsune

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I know its been said to death, but honestly the true answer is time + seeking help. I was an absolute wreck for months after a friendship breakup(knew them for 5+ years), and those were some suuuper dark times for me. I coped by writing out all of my feelings, so matter how over the top they were.

I wrote about how angry I was, how absolutely depressed I was, and drew all those feelings to the surface and expressed them so they wouldn't get bottled up inside. The more you bottle them up, the more it hurts and destroys you, even if it feels good in the short term. 


And while youre healing, you have to keep going and surviving no matter how gut wrenchingly difficult it is. Keep trying to make new connections with people, keep doing the things you loved doing even if it feels like you don't deserve happiness. And remember that even though those times with those people are over, it doesn't mean it never happened. You will always have the growth and knowledge those times taught you, no matter how much it hurts now. And even if you can't find a reason to keep going, you have to tell yourself that you must, even if you can't understand why. You just Must. 

And while you're healing even more, you may find the energy to reach out to a therapist and work with them. Its super scary and difficult, but once youre in a better mindset to processes the things they tell you, it'll be worth it in the long run. Even if everything haunts you for months, or even years. It will eventually become another memory that made you "you."

So keep surviving, even if you can't understand why you have to. Keep making new connections even if you can barely stand to hear someone's voice. If you keep surviving, the pain will lessen more and more. 

I wish you the best of luck in your journey, wherever it leads you.


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Reply by sadee!!

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hello!! 

i have been going through an awful breakup so i believe that i can sympathize majorly with you here. i don't know your story or what happened, but i can offer the best advice i have;
do things to take your mind off of them. do things you LOVE. reading, writing, going on walks, etc. this can help you appreciate that there's more to life than them. 
i know it feels like you cannot live or breathe without them, but you are doing it now, and i'm so proud of you for that. you did not die when you two broke up, and i know it may feel like it, but you are still the same human you were before. this gives you chances to grow and learn more about yourself.
i understand it can feel like a piece of you died when they left, it felt like this for me. but i promise that this is just an opportunity to strengthen yourself. take time for yourself, be sad over it. crying, sadness, longing, vulnerability; it's all safe and common to feel. but don't let yourself fall into a depression over it. get up and love yourself! if they didn't stay, then it's just another opening for somebody else to come and love you more than they ever could.
please be strong. you can message me whenever you like.


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Reply by 🔮 Danitza

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As much as you don't wanna hear it, all it takes is time. I get it, I hated hearing it because i just wanted the pain to go away NOW but before you know it, you'll start noticing the pain dulling and you'll be yourself again.


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Reply by maria

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i think when you get into a relationship i read somewhere that’s it’s kind of like a drug and you become addicted to that person so when it’s over you kind of experience withdrawal symptoms. it just takes time to adapt to life without them and patience. don’t kind of conceal your emotions or try to get over it quickly it will happen over time. i hope  you are doing okay and good luck 


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Reply by Milla

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i knew a friend for 6 yrs and she left me out of anger and hated me bc of a misunderstanding that was all my fault. ik how u feel. ppl cant be replaced easily, but give it time, look for help and try to meet new-better-people. i hope this helps.


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Reply by !! Karl / g0Z ]☆[ Masc !!

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idk i just listened to "truth hurts" by lizzo for a month straight then completely forgot they were even a person i knew once.


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Reply by erick

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Just get over him.


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Reply by lover

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Reply by J4y_skullz

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Just focus on yourself tbh just cry it out there’s no real and fast way to get over a breakup it depends on who you are just try to distract your mind and move on


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Reply by youssef ba

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Reply by addyson

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i know im a little late but if you have a support system like family and friends really just kinda be in their presence. in the moment it is the last thing you want to do but rotting away really won't help. dont be scared to actually FEEL your emotions though. if you don't have a support system. reach out. i will be here for anyone who needs to talk. 


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Reply by Íris

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you should make new hobbies and try to have a new hobby, if u dont have one, it really ocuppies your time. getting a pet helps a lot too. people come and go, if these people got away it means they are not the right people for you and that better people are coming to ur life, you should embrace "losing"people because u didnt lose anyone; they just revelead themselves: try to meet new people as well; make new friends and take time to yourself ; go do an exercise ; it helps a lot and it keeps the mind occupied: sorry i dont know what else to say but i hope u get better 


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Reply by +*evie *+

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Reply by Pinkie Winkie

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Someone else might have said something similar as well, but some things which could help are talking to someone close (family, friends, etc.) and spending more time with them, make sure to care for yourself (physically and mentally). I don't know what your situation might be, but taking in fact that you've even had to go to the hospital i suggest that you could also go to a psychologist to get help from a specialist. Another thing which could help is taking up a new hobby, exercising often, of engaging in different arts like painting or music. I hope i helped and that you're doing well!


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Reply by kay_kat

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this is an old thread but here is some advice for anyone checking for advice:

do not use someone else to "replace" the person you lost. take some time to yourself, let yourself cry and be hurt and/or angry. try to find enjoyments in the little things in life. try taking up new interests, color a or draw a picture, start a new show, play a new game, try a new restaurant. something new and exciting. no contact is hard but it is ultimately best for your healing journey. you never know if you can rekindle your relationship in the future but don't give yourself false hope, it will only hurt you more. do whatever you need to heal yourself, and maybe then if a relationship interests you, you will find the person who is meant for you. life is all about trial and error, relationships are part of that! there are billions of other people on the planet, you have all the time in the world to find your person. 


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Reply by DreamiiXO

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I got broken up with back in February with a guy I dated for 7 months but have been in love with for 3 years. All I can say is it takes time. Find people to talk to about it, listen to music you love, pour yourself into whatever you're passionate about be it art, writing, movies, anime,, whatever your hobbies are just try to get into them. Make sure to eat. I know when I first got dumped I had no appetite but you have to keep yourself going. Grief is a cycle and it doesn't go away over night. Just take it one day at a time. I promise there will come a day where you realize it doesn't hurt as bad. Best of luck to you <3


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Reply by Deftern

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Reply by John Horne

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Here's a few tips I have gathered in my time on this earth.

  1.  Reflect on your relationship , turn this into a learning moment. What could you work on? What did he do? And what things could you take away for the future? I have ruined many relationships or been in relationships that had serious red flags or problems in hindsight. 
  2. Remind yourself that life gets better, there are moments in my life, especially after a breakup, where I felt hopeless, but it ALWAYS got better. Eventually I found others.
  3. Take up hobbies, see a therapist, bake. These will help get it out of your mind.
  4. I know this sounds silly, but I started to go to church. The amount of love and support I felt was overwhelming, and it really helped me outta a real rough spot. Your milage may vary, though.

I really hope this helps, you got this!


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Reply by Jenny

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I got curbed by a guy who I hopelessly chased for years. I had a rotten melt down. Turns out that it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I was completely shocked for days. I figured out distraction was the name of the game at first. Moving around. Laughing. Accomplishing things. Doing things to make you proud of yourself. It's one thing to say something nice about yourself, and another to believe it. Show yourself why you're so great. Prove to yourself that you belong in this world, simply because you do. That another person does not supply you with a purpose. Make a point to interact with others. Don't use forced socialization as a punishment. But interact with others in a meaningful way. Connect with someone. The world is full of people with souls that are beautiful. You just have to experience them to see it. Shield your heart, but don't live in fear of it breaking. Because that's how you know that it's there. Anyone going through this, you're gonna be more than alright. Just take it one day at a time. Much loves!


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