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ok age range 2 be friends with / start conversation as a teen?

ok so before i get weird people or people who think i have bad intentions

my
general rule of thumb has always been if it would have been possible to
be in middle/high school together (4 year difference maximum) its ok. but
ive seen people on here my same age (18) who draw the line at 16 or so.

is there like an unwritten rule about this? im autistic and having trouble reading the room.

my
school is mostly comprised of freshmen cause most people transfer
schools after the 1st year, so i am irl friends with some 14 year olds
and it isnt unusual to me. but also i dont want to make anyone uncomfy by
initiating conversation or friend requesting people if it isnt appropriate to do so.
i also have no intention of finding another partner and know the range is much tighter for that (within a year or two).


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Reply by 2kkink

posted

to be honest.. I have friends in the age range of 16-28.. I myself am 19. 

when it comes to children under 16.. I don't see them as friends, but rather as me being a mentor to them... I wouldn't act like I do with friends who are my age or older than me. 

I dunno, but, I am a very social person so talking to people is a huge part of my life... I also want to be a good influence to kids younger than me so I just draw a line between friendship and mentorship?

I feel like this didn't make sense.


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Reply by weirdhouseplant

posted

I don't think there's any age where it's not appropriate to be friends with someone as long as you are alert when talking to older people (don't let them have power over you, look for red flags, ect) and are aware of your effect of younger people. 


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Reply by b0ywife

posted

OK, so realistically, it's fine to interact and make friends with people of all ages, so long as you are aware of the boundaries you need to create. A good rule of thumb is that for whoever is the older individual, they shouldn't bring up topics that would be inappropriate for the particular age group they are interacting with. For example, as a 13 year old I would say a lot of swear words, but whenever I hung out with my 8 year old sibling I wouldn't say any! But we could still have fun conversations about video game theories. If you are talking with someone older than you, it's THEIR job to keep things appropriate, but since this is the internet it is YOUR job to be careful and know when to block someone for breaking the necessary boundaries.

I don't support the current culture I see online where people insist that people can only make friends with people in their age group, and that all adults are evil predators. At a restaurant, a 16 year old may be working in the kitchen with a 36 year old, and because of that shared experience they may very likely form a friendship. The older person may even be able to give valuable life advice as if they were an older sibling.

Don't give anyone personal information like birthdays, location, hometown, and stuff like that. And don't ask for it from anyone either! Sorry about the long ramble o_o;


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Reply by Ms Myspace

posted

It really depends? I'm 20, but there are a couple people in high school I consider to be friends and I'm friends with a few people in their 30s/regularly talk to some people older than 40.

The way you experience friendship might be different with different ages, but you can still form friendships. Friendships can be just talking about mutual interests or doing stuff like playing games together, it doesn't have to be intimate or deeper than that.


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Reply by Doja

posted

It generally depends on age uno, because a 18 year old being FRIENDS with a 22 year old would be okay since they have the same maturity levels to some extent


But like 11 and 15 is completely different, completely different experiences and maturity levels, and of course im not generalising because im a teenager myself, but some of the worse people think its cool to experience younger kids to stuff for older kids.


Okay im waffling, its depends is the answer 


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Reply by 曹倫宜

posted

I personally draw my line at 17 y/o just in case. As for the upper line, I'm avoiding people who are like older than 30s. It's all personal and it's best to ask the other person what's their boundaries. 


If you're an adult, just avoid minors. It's just safer this way to not get in trouble.

And if you're a minor, avoid adults. 


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Reply by allyXx

posted

there's not rlly an unwritten rule, u can be 18 and be friends with a 14 yr old. usually most spaces are 13 and up anyways. if u are not predatory towards ur younger friends and u dont use their age naivety against them to take advantage then you are fine. 


i usually was the mother of the group of my younger friends and usually saved them from the predatory acts they were being led into. but if ur 26 trying to be "friends" with anyone younger than 20 then it's a problem. there's a mental disconnect usually between teens and adults. a 18yr may think it's validating a 24 yr old thinks they're 'mature' enough for them. they aren't mature. they were manipulatable  


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Reply by Hatch

posted

Being friends with anyone with your interests is fine, as long as you keep in mind that you need to be sure that anything you say to them is something you should be ok saying to their parents. If younger people never have positive interactions with older people, (whether its older kids or adults,) theyre never going to learn how to tell inappropriate interactions apart.
I personally never friend anyone under 18. I accept requests from people 17, /maybe/ 16 cause thats just my personal comfort.


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Reply by Dino

posted

I have friends from 14-24 (Im 17) 
I dont think there is an age range for being friends with someone as a teen? Aslong as you are careful. The age rule starts when it comes to being romantically involved with someone, atleast that's what I think. 


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Reply by Iamthewalrus

posted

Are you in the same class as these kids? "Autistic" can cover anyone from me to the kids mum used to teach & the kids mum used to teach had a lot of additional needs, they were all in the same class and they were not as grown up as an NT at that age. 

Either way, autistic people are young for our age socially, old for our age intellectually. This is social stuff. So you have leeway although I'd try to make friends with people in your class (ideally other autistic people).

The real rule is: your actual friends should be your peers. This age group expands as you're older but if you're still at school, it's your classmates, people in after school clubs with you and people your age in your neighbourhood. If you're still in school, unless they fit into the first 2 categories, make them people who are 1-2 years different to you.

For dating, yeah strictly date 17/18 year olds. Dating is different because you can do more stuff with your boyfriend or girlfriend than with your friend.

I'm saying actual friends because mentorship is a thing. A mentor should be someone like: family member, friend of family member, teacher, babysitter. Just because we have different rules on friendship, doesn't mean 'don't be around anyone over 18' or 'don't be around anyone under 14'. That is silly. It's just that the older person should know proper boundaries: don't watch horror movies with a younger sibling, don't teach a 2 year old to swear, don't talk about nsfw stuff with an older person unless you're asking for safety advice.

Online world has changed since I was a teen & it annoys me. And it makes me feel ashamed as it was my generation that did it. When I was 16, I had online mentors. They would give life advice and be open about how they were a lot older. Nothing untoward ever happened. Everything was PG rated. There was another kind of adult, usually a guy, who would hang out in a chat room/Craigslist being a creep. Kids/teens were warned to not talk to this kind of adult and rightly so because he would want to harm kids/teens.

Nowadays, there's an in between category: people who don't really mean any harm and aren't actual creeps but who have teens on their follower lists on social media and who will share NSFW content or info about themselves. It's creepy and I don't blame Gen Z for saying 'DNI if over 18' because people are sharing way too much. 

If you're young & autistic or for anyone under 18, I would say: don't post your address, don't post your school name, don't post your full name. Block anyone who knows your age & is prepared to talk about inappropriate stuff with you on their TL. Don't talk about inappropriate stuff online. If you live in a city like London, post 'London' as your address rather than 'Spitalfields', if you live in a town then post 'Yorkshire' rather than 'Malton' (cities are relatively anonymous compared to towns). 

I might be taking it too far but on here I've decided to go the route of: no contemporary/party politics, no sports, no NSFW info, no swearing, trying not to get angry with people/in general, don't meet up with people irl, don't give private info. That means I don't care who reads my blog. In real life I'm an adult now, so I don't make friends with anyone who's a teen but if my nephew/niece asks for advice, I'll advise them.


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Reply by kworld

posted

Hmm well im 18 and personally i just avoid befriending people that are super drastically a diff age than me bc they usually have 0 idea about what life is like lawl, not saying I do or that im smarter than them or anything but like, I have a job and I pay rent and I make myself food, 15-16 year olds r usually still totally dependant on their parents 4 stuff so there's just a big gap there in terms of lifestyle.


i know that some 15-16 year olds ALSO have jobs and stuff and may also have to live independently of their parents 4 their own reasons, but even then it can be really difficult to get on with someone that much less mature than u - 16 may not be too far from 18 but trust and believe that (where im from at least) a lot goes on in that 2yr timeperiod!!! in the UK a 15-16 year old would still be studying for/doing their GCSEs in highschool, whereas an 18 yr old will have finished college and be looking into university options, so its just totally diff lifestages.


that's not to say its impossible for 15-16 year olds to have appropriate and fine friendships with 18 year olds or even older (I guess? idk I get kinda weirded out when the age gap isTOOOOO big, what do u have in common w a 15 yr old when ur in ur 20s? X_X) like I have a friend whos 16 turning 17 soon and me n her get on BCS of common interests, there's stuff 2 discuss and talk about there yknow ?! and its diff for relatives too, my younger cousin is 15 and turning 16 soon, and we're supr close BCS we r family!! and I understand stuff that she vents about that maybe her friends from school wouldnt/ shes not comfortabletelling them because they have to do with our family, its all situational I think, but a lot of 18 year olds and above feel weird ab having teen friends bc pf the maturity gap and just complete difference in lifestyle!!!!!!!


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Reply by xoxoizuku !!

posted

try to think about the maturity difference. ex, 27 and 32 isn't odd at all, but 9 and 15 is odd, right? just try to think about if there at the same point in life as you pretty much. (the 27 and 32 yr old are both as adults, prolly finished college, and prolly have a job, but the 9 yr old is in elementary 4/5, while the 15 yr is in 9th). but at the same time, your just talking about friends. technically you can be friends with whoever as long as its just friends


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Reply by marimo

posted

yeah, as other people have said, it's ok to talk with people of any age, but be aware of the type of conversations you're having, especially if you're under 18, you can be pretty frank and open with people your own age or say a year from your age, if folks are younger, you wanna be careful what you talk about, and if the friend is older, they want to watch what they say around you, if an adult brings up an inappropriate topic to you, block them immediately. In general, for example, as someone who is 38, I generally feel comfortable talking privately with people who are underage, unless I know them IRL. Ordinarily, at your age your closest friends should be 1-2 years in age from you. But there's nothing too weird about having friends who are a little younger or older than that.


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Reply by TeriyakiNyx

posted

Ik this post is old but still. You can be friends with anyone of any age really. Personally I’m friends with ppl around my age or much older. Just be aware of the conversations you’re having w them. Like you shouldn’t talk about the same things you would with adults with children. 

That’s the only thing.

So 1. Preference 2. Having a filter around children & adults 


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Reply by Lexy ヾ(≧▽≦*)o

posted

To be honest i don't really mind people wanting to be friends as long as they don't act all weird which makes me uncomfortable.

I always get 9-12-year-olds becoming my friends and they are pretty chill and even having some common interests with them. but to make this short i dont have an age range for becoming friends as long as they dont act creepy then we can be on good terms.


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Reply by Rosyquartz

posted

For just like talking I think it's more about what the adult is saying

There's no one specific rule but a lot of people are uncomfy with an age difference as a minor (or an adult) 


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Reply by Comedian

posted

Why draw a line at age? Just talk to everyone that is a good person.


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Reply by Illford

posted

I'm 19, at lowest 16 but i wouldn't call them a freind tho. Mostly just people i've worked with or something. Generally i just stick to people i could meet in Uni so 18+, maybe 17 if it's a freinds freind or something. I really wouldn't want to be freinds with someone younger than 16 tho


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Reply by Vicky

posted
updated

I'm on the spectrum too but in my 30's. The thing is, it's the internet. It doesn't really matter as long as there's no romance involved. That's what's cool about it, you can talk like an equal to people who, if you met them irl you'd look at them and think you had nothing in common with them. If someone is an ass you can just block them or report them and boom it's over.

Some of my online friends are people who because of age difference or class difference or just, you know, come off as very different than me... I would never have talked to if I'd met them irl. One of my friends is the same age as my mom and doesn't even really speak English. But it works. I've found that people much younger than me are people who can have deep thoughts and problems, not stupid or babyish, and people much older than me still have the same worries and concerns and fears that I do.

I think a teen is far more likely to be exploited by someone who is pretending to be a teen than someone who just comes right out and says they're 32 or whatever. 

Short answer it's all what you feel comfortable and safe with. If someone is sus, don't tolerate it and don't be afraid to bring up the behavior to others.


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Reply by xORionx

posted

so im 15. for me highest age is like 3 years older and younger im not really comfortable with much more than a year younger cause i find a lot of the time theres a pretty big maturity difference you know? i try keep the people i am friends with close in age to me


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Reply by Arius

posted

I don't think age matters that much as long as you are aware of potential power imbalances, as others have said. Younger people tend to put older folks on a pedestal and older folks tend to think they know best. 

As a kid and a teen I was friends with a few people who were much older than me. Nothing weird ever happened and I learned a lot from them. I think their influence made me wiser. 

I say age is just a number; be friends with people you enjoy being friends with.


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Reply by tinfoilhat

posted

honestly its not a rule its just how a person feels. like i dont friend rq if theyre under 15 just cause it mkae me feel weird, but i think the hs/ms thing is smart.


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Reply by vcka

posted

i am mid 20s
i highly recommend never speaking with anyone that is more than 1 year older than you
i know it's still in the "teen" range but there are big differences between a 15 and 17 year old
people can be really predatory
keep in your age range until you are 18
at 18 theres a bit more freedom btu even then i recommend no older than 2 years older than you
even 2 years is a strech for me
i met my gf 2 yrs ago and we are 2 years apart but both in our 20s when we met which is a lot morenormal
if i met her when we were young she would literally be at university while i'm still in school and that's a really bad age difference
if you're just chatting even then please be aware that predation comes in many forms
stay safe kiddos love you


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Reply by pqaza

posted

I'm also 18, and there's no specific number age range it's just that you have to change how you act around certain ages, I can't be 18 and make sex jokes with middle schoolers, that'd be incorrect


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Reply by Spectator_v1

posted

If you're cool with them and they are too, it’s fine.


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