Relationship advice for anyone

Hello, it’s a pleasure to meet you and yeah, it seems like you’ve had a loooot more experience in different relationships than I do and I’m 25. I’m happy that things are going well for you and your new born! You very much deserve happiness with someone in your life. 

Hi Devcam,

As Vascgirl said, it's possibly the long distance, I've been in a few LD relationships and they are really hard to keep strong; even if you've met them IRL, or knew them IRL before going long distance it's still tough. The longing to have someone there physically to have and hold takes a toll emotionally.  From personal experience, even in a LD relationship, if you found someone actually there that you start to care for, it can pretty much kill the LD relationship if it's not strong enough.

Thank you for the responses! I think both of y’all may be right. Even now as she’s going through hard times, there’s nothing I can do for her on my end besides just listen. She said before that she wishes I was there to hold her and tell her things will be fine. Long distance is truly difficult especially with me being in the military. The good thing is that I’m leaving the military soon and I’m trying to finish my last couple of years hopefully being stationed back home. We’ll see how that goes though. I really do care about her and I don’t want to give up but it’s better if I was to try to start talking to her again when I’m back home officially. For now I’ll just stay friends with her and whatever comes both our ways will happen when they’re suppose to. 

Always love yourself first before any other person..

Don't waste ANY time buiding with someone who doesn't treat you how YOU feel like you should be treated or doesnt do the things you would want your partner to do for you and the relationship. It is so not likely you could change a person in anyway. I promise there is someone out there who will be EVERYTHING that you're looking for without having to push but you'll never find them if youre stuck in a relationship and have settled for less than what you want. Be picky its the only way you'll find the right one. Coming from someone who will soon hit 4 years with their partner.

hi : ) my partner and i were together for over a year. he did a lot of stuff that was really fucked up (ex; having me do sexual things i said no to, saying his bipolar disorder made him want to manipulate me, not being able to control his temper and yelling at me/my friends , and quite a lot more lol.) this shit has stuck with me for so long. i cannot let it go, and yet i still love him? and i hate that i do, and i wish i could move on but i don't know how to. he's currently away at a boarding school for shitty behavior (though he claims he's there "because of lies" lol). i'm doing better than i was, but i'm afraid when he comes back i'm going to get sucked right back into a relationship with him. i know if he were to ask me to i'd say yes. i hate everything he's done and i'm getting fucking emotional typing this out and i still love him and i don't know why. i ended things off on good terms and i feel like blocking him would be a mean thing to do but i dont know what to do. i dont want to spiral when he comes back. i feel so much guilt over not being able to move on from what happened because i KNOW he at least put an effort in to change. i wish this was easier. hopefully i can get your opinion, but its totally fine if not. im sorry if this is overwhelming. i'm just lost

seeking advice from people who understand debilitating social anxiety :/

this is reassuring to read <3 thanks

Communication 

ngl im mixed between my own feelings too, i got this one girl i have been talking to her for 3 months my biggest mistake was acting too friendly around her as in acting more like a friend rather then someone who is potentially interested in her. Since realizing this mistake i have been pushing forward the idea of me being interested but not being too pushy since school ended we have been talking less and less so, i talked to her about it and just to say i havent proposed or anything yet, so to her im just a "friend" so i asked her about it and she ended up saying summer is the only time she has for herself and she likes to just hang out with this one friend group because she doesnt see that friend group for over 10 months and only sees them on summer. Idk what to do im either being played or she really just needs time for herself lmk guys.

Universal relationship advice: Communicate openly, respect each other, spend quality time, resolve conflicts calmly, trust and be honest, maintain individuality, show appreciation, support each other's goals, be patient and forgiving, keep things exciting, and grow together.

tbh the most important thing that everyone should do in relationship is being opened in communication. if not it gonna make a lot problems in the future.

i love to read some blogs about relationship and be knowing about all this stuff before problem will come to me from nowhere. last thing that i read is about "how to date a ukrainian woman" (cuz of my girlfriend and yes she is from Ukraine) https://victoriyaclub.com/about-online-dating/ukrainian-mail-order-brides-your-key-to-international-love/

but she shouldn't know about that. lol

I agree, always love yourself first even if it's hard. Love yourself before you get into a Relationship or you'll be stuck with constant insecurity and seeking reassurance if you're still wanted. 

Abandonment issues I understand, but constantly comparing yourself to other people may leave a negative scar if you find yourself unattractive.

More importantly, your goals come first and it's not selfish. Ask yourself are you really in love with this person, or is it an attachment style you wore and got used to. 

Last of all, never ever hurt yourself over someone, eventually you'll regret it and wish you'd apologize to yourself for showing too much vulnerability to someone who would take advantage of it.

Heyy, I have a crush on this guy and i don't know if I actually LIKE HIM or i just like the idea of being in a relantionship, what should I do??:((

I'm in a bit of a conundrum and I may need some advice. So to explain it simply I went out with a girl who liked me but I didn't like her back and I just said I liked her so that she wouldn't be sad. I grew to realise that this wasn't the best option and the end of New year's Day I broke up with her but I felt like that wasn't the best option because later on in life well around six months or three months after our breakup she gained an eating disorder and started vaping and never spoke to me and she came into my science because she got transferred into my class and I texted her basically saying can we be friends because I'm I really want to like get to know you in a platonic way and she replied that's completely fine so I texted her about all the stuff that happened after I break up and she confirmed that it was because of me but there was a point in my life where I started to like her back after I broke up but I'm not sure what to do because we don't speak off than any more and I want to become friends with her.

soz theres this guy i like and hes my best friend >////< but he doesnt seem to reciprocate those feelings :< i always see him at the gas station talking to this 1 girl whos in the other math class.. hes always smiling around her and i waz wondering what i should do to win his heart >_<

hes a paranormal investigator and in my math class btw >_0

Me gusta un chico de mi clase, pero es hetero y parece que le gusta otra chica :ca año atrás éramos amigos y yo no sentía nada por él en ese momento pero todo cambió este año, nos separamos sin ningún argumento. o cualquier cosa por su estilo simplemente dejamos de hablar, y ahora no puedo evitar mirarlo todo el tiempo, creo que me gusta mucho, aunque me confunde porque nuestras miradas se encuentran muchas veces nuestros caminos también se cruzan, lo más extraño. La cosa es que siento que le gusto a él también. Por ejemplo, el año pasado creo que estaba tratando de llamar mi atención, escuchó mi música favorita, le dio curiosidad y durante el recreo no salió a estar conmigo. , Sé que suena loco pero realmente creo que le gusto a pesar de que es heterosexual (? ¡¡No, sé qué hacer!! ¿Tal vez estoy imaginando cosas?

Spanish 

Me gusta un chico de mi clase, pero el es hetero y parece que le gusta otra chica :c hace un año eramos amigos y no sentíamos nada por el en esa época pero todo cambió este año, nos separamos sin ninguna discusión ni nada por el estilo simplemente nos dejamos de hablar, y ahora no puedo evitar mirarlo todo el tiempo, creo que me gusta mucho, aun que me confunde porque nuestras miradas se encuentran muchas veces nuestros caminos se cruzan también, lo más extraño es que siento que le gusto también , por ejemplo el año pasado creo yo que intentaba llamar mi atención, escuchaba mi música favorita, tenía curiosidad por ella y en los recreos no salía por estar conmigo, se que suena loco pero realmente pienso que le gusto aun que sea hetero (? No se que hacer!! Tal vez estoy imaginando cosas? 

hi! im currently experiencing a situationship, sometimes i feel like he loves me and sometimes i feel like shit whenever i talk to him :,) 

i really love him, i get that hes very busy at times especially since hes moving (again...) and got a job too, but he never even texts me. today i asked if he could talk to me more often but he got really mad at me and started saying things like we arent a couple and hes not my boyfriend (he knows i tell people hes my boyfriend but like he never had a deal with it and never said we arent exclusive and stuff) anyways he then went on a huge rant how i never try (i deal with tons of problems and i talk to him about them but apparently thats being selfish because i 'cant deal with anything alone') i really wish he understood how much time i make for him, even in busy days i put a reminder to talk to him and check on him. he hates social media, but still texts this girl called lorna. i know she means nothing wrong but if hes gonna text her then why wont he text me as much? i think our longest convo this month was the argument we had today. 

all i wanted was for him to text me atleast a little more often, and i feel like he completely gave up on us after we spent 6 months dating and then having a situationship etc etc. i wanna stay with him but i have no idea if we should be talking anymore. especially after he hurt me a lot this night.

thank u for reading <3 i know my love life is a little complex lol

Hello there so i just wanna say my first relationship. So im just gonna explain this with no big details but were in the same class and i realized that he had a crush on me. At the time we were talking and were in a kind of situationship i can say we were more than friends. One night he was home alone and it was 3 in the morning he convinced me to snick out and go to his place. i mean it was a cool night but wasnt the best decision ive made cuz we were not together. That happened at the beginning of the month and at the end we got together.

Things were cool but as in all relationships we fighted and had several arguments. Everything was okay till August to September this year he started being dry and made me feel like im pushing it he tried breakup but i didnt let him and convinced him to stay together. He was kind of pick me cuz i saw that he told me things that screamed for attention. He started changing his music taste cuz he thought the made him cool(he didnt like the music that he listen cuz he told me). He never did anything for me, even if i asked to come pick me he just told me that he dosent want to sweat his polo shirt. then he told me he dosent want any relationship and want to stay friends, didnt work, and the next weekend we went to his place and talked about it and it was okay. The next day he told me he wanna focus on himself and we broke up

This was for sure a toxic relationship but i love him, still i dont want him to take advantage of me cuz im not a object. There were so many bad parts but now i feel so empty, i used to talk with him 24/7 and i miss that, plus my cat just died, i dont talk with my dad and i feel sick cuz i cant eat. I  just need to  talk with him, miss the sweet boy he was  

If he text me should i try see if he changed and fix all this crap?

i was in a relationship with this guy, he was so perfect, loyal and i i saw everything i wanted in him.

We met in school. I was 13. He's a year older than me, so we started talking and hanging out and all the time i wasted was only on him (well mostly), and i could say i loved him more than i loved myself. I thought that he's the best i ever met, and that i won't meet anyone like him or better than him, cause the love he gave me made me fall harder for him.

A few weeks later (after dating), he misunderstood some case;

We shared ig accounts and he saw some dms with a childhood guy-best friend. I didn't really talk much to himever since i started dating my boyfriend. So he read the messages and thought that i liked my bsf. Which isn't true. And he brought up a whole fight about it and started bragging about not talking to boys and that i shouldn't talk to them cause he doesn't talk to girls either.

I knew it wasn't my fault. I explained, he didn't listen. So it wasn't my fault, right?

so i kept teting him and expected answers, but he never even read the messages. Sometimes he'd read them and never answer. I kept texting him anyway. And everytime i thought about him, i felt guilty for leaving him. And that still haunts me til now. I might've been too young to live this kind of experience, it's not like i asked for it anyway... Problem is, we made promises and swore to never break them. This is kinda funny but i was serious about marriage lol. He was serious about it too. But i realised time and family would seperate us and told him about it, that's when he thought i didn't like him and just wanted a reason to break up with him. Which wasn't true either.

And now i stumble across this advice...

This is when i realise that i should have found something to love as a back up incase i break up with him.

It's me, i should love myself. I never really liked myself back then, i had to deal with family and social problems, him and dealing with loving myself too.

I couldn't even like myself, i didn't even know what "like" was. I grew up with the wrong idea of love and I'm not used to it, and i admit that i didn't know how to handle "love", and i admit that this is the biggest heartbreak ever.

Now that i think of loving myself, it changes the way i've seen my ex.

i guess i can finally move on the way he did.

Thanks for the advice. I really needed it

</3

Hii, Im only 15 and read this make me feel sooooo much better about my future, Im always anxious about it and know your pov about love and relatonship rassure me!! 

Thanks you so much !!!!!! 

this really helped, im not in a good spot with my gf right now. it just seems like i keep messing up and idk how to stop. my self esteem dropped so low and i was considering some bad things last night but thankfully i decided to sleep and i found this piece of advice the next morning. its tough when youre struggling with your OWN life and trying to keep your relationship together so thank you stranger

hi strangers!! i'm a tiny bit confused as to if this is for relationship advice but i need a little help rn. i'm a freshman and i just started dating this sophomore at my school, and it has been ROUGH. hes a really great guy, but hes horrible at texting and i've heard a lot of stuff about him that isn't great. for more context, i have one class with this guy. i went on dates with him b4 we became official, and we became official on the 3rd date when i went to kiss his cheek and he kissed me on the lips instead. before i became official with him, i was getting a ton of warnings from these other girls, and even one of his friends, but i like him a lot so i shrugged it off. i've been dating him for almost 3 weeks now, which ik isn't a lot, so we should still be in the honeymoon phase of things, but i feel like hes already bored. we went on another date a bit ago, and it was great. we made out a couple times and he got touchy and at first i was fine with it, but then he put his hand DOWN and i freaked out a bit. but when i pushed his hand away he was really sweet and understanding about it. after that i felt kinda bleh, but it got worse when i got a text from this girl that hes friends with that i've talked to like twice that says that he doesn't actually like me and he just felt bad and that he wanted her to tell me this the day before then changed his mind cuz i might be good for him. i called him, he said it wasn't true, but said he was thinking about breaking up with me cuz he has to move to germany for his dads job (no idk what his dad does). so after that it was a lil awkward, and he ignored me for one day, then i texted him later asking what was going on, he didn't answer until i sent something else, then he said "also sorry for being weird the past couple days i've just been not feeling it and i've just been floating around sorry". from there it's been semi better, i think the "floating around" thing was weird, but i'm not texting him as much cuz that seems to be better for him, so i'm just texting every couple of days. but i've been sick at home for a few days, and i got a text today from my friend asking if me and my bf broke up. turns out ANOTHER one of his "friends" had been weird and touchy with him for a bit and she has a crush on him. whatever. but ig she's been telling people me and my bf broke up. like, EVERYONE. i don't wanna confront him about it cause hes still friends with the chick that said he didn't actually like me and everything. i think me and him are good rn and i don't wanna ruin that, but it's obvious we don't have the same type of attachment style and it's weird sometimes. he also keeps saying on insta that he isn't doing anything on valentines day when i already asked him to be my valentine so that kinda sucks. idk i just need some other opinions. thanks!!

edit: yea so he actually broke up with me today. over text. three minutes after the one class we have together. i went home, turned on miraculous ladybug & cat noir and cried. i give up on boys.

buy flowers, i did today and it was fun

Hi !!!! 

i feel like im a bit younger than most ppl here but maybe that will help with advice lol. i dont really get crushes on people (or sometimes ill say ive got a new crush every week js bc its fun and i want to gossip) but there was this one guy i liked since third grade and we were super good friends during the pandemic (like calling everyday and stuff) and then we got like, super physical in middle school. anyway long story short he was dating our friend and then confessed to me and tried to set up a polycule (this is like 7th grade atp) and his gf wasn't conftorble w it and i thought it was lwky weird so we were like no and she broke up w him. and then we dated at the end of the year until like a month and a half into 8th grade, and got back together three months later and then broke up AGAIN like a few weeks before school ended. he didnt' really seem to care both times we broke up even tho it was super sudden ( both times we were together i was super upset and would want to break up with him till i actually saw him and then id give up) but i'm still really hung up over it?? like i always felt like i was in compitition with this other girl when i was with him (he acted the same way he did with me to her, only dif was that we were dating) and i totally thought he was going to cheat on me. 

also recently found out between the time we broke up he was dating this guy who was super creepy and would like touch me and stuff (he did too, A LOT, but this guy made me cry at our graduation dance and it just sucked to find out i guess, since he lies about dating the guy to people) so theres a lot of stuff i should hate him for, and i DO kind of hate him (one of his little friends heard me say that there was no reason for me to still care abo it bc he looks like an emo squashed baked potato and that he was super crusty, which is why we're not on speaking terms. lwky already wasn't on speaking terms with him but apparently he didn't know that) But I saw him at this birthday party we were both invited to and it made me miss him a lot. 

I really just want these feelings to stop so i can be free of him :( any advice is apriciated <33

There is a guy who always saying to me good morning or calling my name randomly(like walking through hallway and he calls you and dont say a word). We are not even in the same grade(he is a junior and i am a somophore). Last year we were in the same club but we were not that close. But that interactions makes me confused. He is a nerd with the every definations(geek, weeb whatever you call). Well i am a nerd too so i couldnt understand why me(i am not a beauty or anything). We were talked about video games actually the topic was about am i an asocial. He said to me you should make strong relationships with people(more than once). It was our first proper conversation. Then we started to get the same bus and we had to sit next to eachother for a couple week. He opens door for me or when i open for him, he holds the door and let me first. First i thought he wanted to be friends since we have similar interests, however i am not sure anymore.  It is been whole 5 MONTHS!! (we have met for 1 year and more) He is still talking to me but not in a friendly way i think(i am being delulu 100%).  Ofc we hold normal(ankward) convos. But one time(in new year eve at bus) he said what is your plans about next year, what was your regret. Tbh i like talking with him so i continued the convo. He was quite stresses because he will take universty exam next year. And he gived me "brother advice?", are him being real? We bornt at same year. And even worst he talked about his old crush who GRADUATED from our school IN 2023 and he said he is still thinking about her time to time. He were just said"do you see dreams?". Then he continued talking to me like this things are nothing. I still caught him looking at me. When we saw eachother still we talk. 

There is more but the paragraph is so long i guess. I need advice right away. What should I do?