Random Slam Poetry Rambles

TW//SENSITIVE TOPICS (SA, DYSPHORIA, ETC)

READ WITH CAUTION

Strong as Steel

Clothes eat away at my skin.

Clothes push and pull me in.

My body is screaming at me no.

But I just can’t let it go.

The scars of your touch leave me haunted

As that scared little girl cowered away

I step in and stop your misdeeds

Get your hands away from her

She’s too young

Young

I was barely 12 when I was sexually assaulted.

Not even a teen yet

May will always be a tough month for me

As your hands still attack my body

A foreign yet familiar invader

Like a war where you approach the lines

Between personal space and shared space

You took one step into a crime

Into a traumatic event

And I stepped back in my mind.

I stepped back into the cold darkness

It felt like home.

You took away everything from me

You left a shell of a little girl

And you are now faced with a fully fleshed-out person

The bones that shook in my skin

As your hands took me in

Are now reinforced with steel

You may not know how it feels.

But you sure as hell know what you have done.

And fumbling over my words as I tell the events of that night is no more.

Your shadow casting doubt over me serves no purpose anymore.

You didn’t have the right to touch me.

You didn’t have the right to harass and belittle.

I have the right to speak up now.

And I’ll tell my story to the crowd.

And I’ll scream it loud.

Queer Life

My gender identity is not a cry for help. I am not shoving it down your throat.

I need to shout just to be heard, and just to note when I give the knowledge I’m shoved aside

Hear me shout and hear me roar, I have the pride to be myself

We need to make a world where he can be himself she can be herself and they can be themself

I’m tired of fighting when we just need to start loving

We need the acceptance and love we have been denied for so long

The Trans Experience

As soon as I could dress I was always tomboyish

And on the days when I wanted feminine clothes

The best I could do was a sparkly T-shirt.

I just thought no one had a mixed wardrobe so I ignored the buzz that was pushing in my brain.

Like this is normal.

I eventually expanded my wardrobe with a few concerned looks from my parents which made it harder for me to dress how I wanted.

Most of the time I hung out with tomboys and I looked over to the girly girls and wondered why I was like both of them sometimes and then none of them the next time. 

I was really confused by 5th grade.

I knew I wasn’t straight but it didn’t sit right with me being just a tomboy.

I wanted something different that I couldn’t describe.

I stuck with questioning for a while and then it clicked. 

I am genderfluid. 

I am Rowan. 

I am strong. 

Of course, this didn’t solve the buzz.

It was just why the buzz was there.

Now I am sitting under the A.C because even though I probably pass as male as the moment my body knows I am not male. 

Bones

Bones signify strength.

A strength that not many have been able to experience.

As you grow

As you mature

As your mind is shaped by your environments

As your mind; soft like clay

Molded and boldened by every touch

By every person, you interact with

Day by day

You grow.

And so do your bones.

You’ll find that you don’t shake or quiver as much

You’ll find yourself standing taller.

Like a tree with graceful branches laying out on another.

Supporting.

Holding.

And growing together.

We are just a tree of bones.

Bones that will bash together

Mash together

And mush to create a human.

I kinda wonder what Prometheus was thinking when he created humans.

Took some bones

Took some clay

And just

Created.

To create something so complex and so comprehensible must haven’t been an easy feat.

Hell if I know what went on in his mind.

As he layered so many pieces

So many little pivots and dips

Centered around bones

Our bones

Biting Words

You know that phrase?

“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”

That phrase is a sad thing

Not only do words hurt

When they come from a mom they sting

Biting words

Chomping down on my skin

Tearing through flesh

Leaving nothing but blood and sin

I beg for a reprieve from the torment

But yet as I stand bent

Broken

Bruised

I still rise

Firey Tongues with Breathy Lungs

Bared teeth shine in the moonlight

My light

The light of a fresh middle schooler

Fades

It extinguishes

Crackles under your touch

It doesn't burn you

Deter you

Differ you

Dispel you

Dismiss you

Dissipates you

I wish it did.

But instead it just decimates me.

Destroys me

Demolishes me

Dismantles me

There are 171,476 words in the English language

None of which will ever accurately describe

The damage

That you caused

Marks like scars from a knife

I take a look in my mirror

Don’t recognize myself at this point

My reflection is shattered suddenly

Stooping slowly

They say

“Stupid little girls should keep their mouth shut”

Because they’re scared.

Because those girl’s firey iron tongues

Make Goliath shiver and shake in his armor

They lap and lavish

Lips curve and distort into smiles and laughs

Her tongue swipes over her bottom lip

Before she reveals an earth shattering truth

Voice shaky

Almost shaky enough to remind one of the earthquakes that terrorized millions

As she recounts the events

Her iron tongue is slowly losing its spark

She lights herself up again in hopes

The hope that she will regain that fire

Her lungs deflate

Starving the fire in her mouth

They flutter like a butterflies wings as soon as they emerge their cocoon

They wheeze

A cough emerges from the smoke burning up

Up and up from her belly

The hope that she will regain that fire

Dims

Her chest rises and falls

Somehow

Someway

97% of women are sexually assaulted or raped

We see these statistics and somehow

Piece together

Ourselves

And

Piece together the fire

Somehow

Someway

She regains the fiery iron tongue with her breathy lungs

Her fiery iron tongue is ready for another round

Hands

Hands are meant for holding

For yearning

For creating

For life

Not for use

Of dastardly misdeeds

I want a nice hand

A hand to hold

One that doesn’t

Bite or sink it’s teeth in my skin

So close and akin

I didn’t get that hand

I got your

Dark

Cold

Touch

With your

Light

Warm

Breath

Your hands take me in

Dark like black lagoons

Each finger

With it’s own evil

Each claw

Taunting my supple skin

The crimson blood of your

Hands.

Mixes with white skin

Hands.

Swallowing me whole.

Hands.

The monster with claws strikes again

You can’t see him

Because he lives behind my eyes

He burrows himself in the folds of my brain

He ecompasses everything.

Molding

Holding

Onto my mind

Imprinting his sickly sweet smell

The smell of sweat and tears slowly suffocates me

Air thick

Tears slick

Grey bricks

It takes me in

And I

Can finally

Breathe again.

Up and Down

Up

And

Down

Our chests moving in unison

Up

And

Down

His head is risen

Up

And
Down

My body

His touch

Defiled.

Up

And

Down

And my head bows down

As flesh collides with mortar

And I feel shorter

Up

And

Down

Through Our Eyes

How does one innate sense of

Empathy

Comfort

And compassion

Suddenly disappear

And is replaced with

Judgement

Blaming

And fear

It wasn’t you who was spending those sleepless nights

Shaking like fall leaves in your bed

It wasn’t you who jumps at every touch

Shaking like the bass of a guitar

It wasn’t you who had to deal with the night terrors

Shaking like a tree falling down

It wasn’t you who had to endure

To live

To survive

Through the eyes of a sexual assault survivor

Through my eyes

Our eyes

We see

Every threat

Calculate every threat

We are constantly watching

Aware

On high alert

Instead of

Comfort

I get

Judgement

Instead of becoming blameless

Suddenly

I’m the blame

The blame stings like a nasty iron sear

Stamps

Marks

It marks me as “Weak”

And while my mind is always on the verge

On the precipice of shattering like fine china

It doesn’t push over

It endures

It lives

It survives

I endure through the aftermath of his actions

I live through the aftermath of his actions

I survive through the aftermath of his actions

It wasn’t you

It was never about you

Don’t insert yourself into a conversation for one moment

Don’t push through the lines

Through the yellow caution tape cradling my broken bent body

It wasn’t about you.

It will never be about you.

One Spark

Big brown eyes engulf me

I enjoy every second

I smile as your skin dark from sun beams

Echos nearer and nearer

You write about time

Like you and I

Having a due date

A set date

To where it all

Happens

Hazel meets brown

And I feel whole again

I could get lost in every stripe of your eyes

Like a forest

And I would still be found

Your laugh is a sound that

Tickles the windchimes in my brain

To where the music softens down into my heart

Now this is far from love

I’m just sayin

You and I

Could be a real something

A real

Raw

Connection

Of two minds

Two hearts

And one spark

A Dark Hall and its Secrets

The ghostly hall

Full of ghouls and demons

All of them howl in an utter cacophony

.Each of them

With their own dark form

Taking on the worst

Of the human experience

Their screams

FIll the air with a thickness that is indescribable

Each of their sorrowed shouts slithers slowly through my ears

Tucked away in all the nooks and crannies of this hall

They wait, ready to attack

Always on the prowl and never letting their guard up

Ache and Crumble

My bones oh how they ache and crumble

The way they tingle with fire

Dancing at my legs, lapping at my shins

FIre within

They tinkle as the wind moves them

Oh how they ache and crumble

Each one creaks and groans with its own innate nature

My toes, pointing for the years of dance

My knees, bending and lengthening carrying me through the steps of life

My hips which shake and move me through my hardships

My torso, which twists and shouts with motion

My hands, which create. They create art, words, works of art, and they hold loved ones; lost and found

These all ache and crumble

My elbows, skinned from those nights at the park when I was small

Always healed, and bounced back.

Something one should always strive to do

My shoulders broad and small, carrying the weight of the world

The weight of the world settles on my shoulders

It’s apparent in the way I walk, the way I talk, the way I move and create.

Yet I do not break

I do not falter

I do not waver

Or hold steady

I’m the ocean water lapping at your feet

Peristant

Beautiful

And unique

My neck, covering my voice

The voice that was used to

Uplift others, and tear others down

It was used when it was needed most of the time

But it stayed silent during the most important moments

It croaked and grumbled but didn’t say a word

My head

Filled with thoughts and images few could understand

Always watching and waiting for a moment

Always

Racing

Running to a finish line that isn’t defined

It chases and never fails to surprise me

All of these beautiful

Fragile parts

Ache and crumble

They ache and crumble

Ache and crumble apart.

My Temple

Cherish life

And try to do whats right

And be courteous but stand up for yourself and others

Your body is a temple

So drape it with an elaborate tangle of pearls

Your body is a temple

Honoring you, and the goddess you are

Your body is a temple

So decorate it as you please

Don’t let anyone vandalise your temple

Let love and life in

And keep dark and hate out

Give your temple color

Vibrant dancing colors dance around your temple

Each of them represents something so innately you

That it practically writes your name with the colors

Flapping and flying swirling and flowing

Your temple is beautiful and yours.

Tonight

Mouths and hands mash together

We are twins, birds of a feather

His hands caress so perfectly, so carefully

It's heaven and then some, he plays me like a string and pulley

Bodies on fire

Our embers burn

And in turn

We ignite

Tonight

Him <3

You are like a warm lilac summer day

A pastel mix of purple and yellow

The business of a laundromat but with the chaos died down to a level 0

Where it's just you and I standing.

Connected by hands, souls, minds and hearts

This moment is pure revolutionary art

Holding each other

I associate him with home

Every bone and moan belongs to you

All yours and dressed up with lust

This is not a need or a must

It's a lifetime of a perfect lifestyle

My lifeline, rock, one and only

Tell me this love is holy

A holy doctrine of sorts

As out feet slide in unison across the court

I take a breath

And kiss you with electric passion

Your smile tingles my brain with fire

I truly know the desire

To love and hold another

When I took that smile off your face

Wiped it clear away

My first question was

"Will he stay?"

I drop my doubts and worries knowing

Your smile may fade with stupid actions and words from me

But our relationship and connection will never fade

Never

Wiped away

Restful Wicked Scales

A pale blue night

One little light

A candle with a burnt wick

Flickering in hopes for rest of the wicked

They take their claws and draw their covers over their scaly bodies

Lobbying for their sleep to take over

Of course, it never comes for the clover colored skinned creatures

Wretched and grasping for an ounce of rest

For one night's sleep, they will be at best

But there are things that they done

Keep a watchful eye on daughters and sons

Before their youthful skin grows scales and feathers

And the embers slowly burning skin to leather

Will slowly burn for each and every turn of the earth.

Dripping Poison

Sexualizing myself for the hell of it

Praise and compliments drip from an enemy’s mouth

Dripping slowly, dripping poison

Each acidic burn tingles my skin with fire and delight

Tip Toeing Dance

Always dancing

Always tip toeing

Being careful as to not make a sound

While you stride around

Proud

Snout tilted upwards in air of confidence

You don’t dance

You don’t tip toe around the corners

Your steps are deafening

And your presence is silent

Each step isn’t calculated yet its cold

Each step of mine soft and yours bold

I long to stop dancing and tip toeing

But you took that luxury away from me

As I see

My soft footsteps

Outnumbered and overcrowded by yours

Because what is mine is yours right?

All ripe for the taking

Ripe for you to touch

For you to make like a puppet dance and tip toe

So I’ll tip toe and dance

Play your game

On your burning stage

But at the final straw in the hat

I’ll be the one in a battle stance

So I’ll stand on my tip toes

But it still counts as standing

And I’m

Still standing.

Mahogany

As I stood

Crying into my mahogany lined mirror

Tracing the curves that curse me

The wood reminds me of soft spots where it is solid

The wood dark and musky, masculine in nature mocks my feminine body

My body’s looking wrong

The mirror distorts and pounces on my curvy frame

I will never be enough for myself

So therefore how may I be enough for another

I stack these expectations and biases like a jenga tower

Close together, and tight nit

Yet one gust of wind shall send the tower careening down

Each jenga block is smooth mahogany

Just like my mirror

Just like everything I want and strive to be

So cut me down like a Swietenia tree

Shape and smooth me

Make me large and boxy

Make me shine and glimmer

And make me

Mahogany.