Overly Familiar

It's really weird, i've only been six times, been in and out the ER and finessed my way out more times.

 It's just weird the way that I learned all the nurse's names. The way I knew the channels on the TV and got used to having my blood pressure and blood taken. The grips on my socks became a comfort and the beeping noises.

 The flashing lights checking on me and for a while I even had a habit of sleeping with my head covered because it was the most comfortable way for me to sleep in the ward. 

The heavy chairs and cardboard spoons. The yelling and banging. It's just all so familiar to me. The routine of stripping my clothes off, bending over, legs spread, coughing. The crying, The screaming, The radio. The shitty food and popping of the Styrofoam cups. 

It's horrible because every time I go, I want to leave so bad, I feel trapped and bored like I'm missing out on the world. On the opposing side, every time I'm out in the world I want to go back and I think it's my realization that maybe it's where I belong.