helplines

(read the previous forum post for better context)

Today I accompanied a family member to the psychologist, and they go to the same psychologist I used to go to. Back then, I only went for anxiety and panic attacks, but at least now I know how to control them more or less. The thing is, I've been feeling a little strange, as if I feel like I'm going to relapse at any moment, but it just doesn't happen and I go on with my day. But that feeling is still there.

I've been thinking about calling those helplines. When I was depressed and everything was going really badly, I thought about doing the same thing, but I never did. Now I'm also hesitating to do so, since I'm not as bad as I was before, so I don't think it's necessary to call any of those lines.

Although I don't know why I feel this way. Now I live in a nice house, I have everything I need, I don't go hungry. I have the love of my family, although of course, I have problems with my brother... I think the only thing I'm missing is someone to talk to, but not just someone who will listen to me, but someone who will give me advice. But I hate talking to people in person, I'm embarrassed to talk to someone about myself and what's going on with me. Of course, writing is different. At least if I make a mistake, I can delete it and rewrite it, but when I talk in real life, I tend to get nervous and get tongue-tied, and I feel like nothing I say is understood or that it just doesn't make sense, so often when I talk, my tone of voice is as if I'm downplaying the issue, or I just use other words that have the same effect.