I think I need help or guide.

It seems like your seeking an escape/comfort. Is it ok if you can explain it further so I can fully understand where you're coming from?

In 2024, I moved to another country. I was recovering from EDNOS (Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified), so I had to leave a lot of things behind, and school didn't help at all. I was under a lot of pressure from school and had a lot of family problems due to disagreements.

A lot happened, which led me to develop insomnia and sleep paralysis due to excessive stress. I remember having about five episodes of sleep paralysis in a row in one week. The two main factors were school and academic stress (at least I ended up with an A) and family problems, which were clearly arguments, although it was mostly my brother and mother who were arguing.

At that time, I had a friend who was worse off than me, but he was my only friend at the time, as I had stopped talking to my old friends. However, he was a friend from my previous country, so I didn't see him very often. The thing is, since we were both going through a rough time, we helped each other, but at the same time we hurt each other, because he liked me, but I didn't like him, so we looked for things in each other, not to mention that we were always worried about each other. I worried about him because I always wondered if he was still alive or if he had cut himself again.

After nine months, I returned to my country. It was a tremendous relief for me and my family. But the family arguments continued. At least things started to calm down, but I was still not well. I didn't know why, since I already had what I wanted. But I just needed time.

I ended my friendship with that friend because of things that happened. I met more people and changed schools about three times. When classes start, I'll be at another school again.

But, with all this, too many things happened to me in a very short time. So that nothing else happens to me, that's what I was getting at with my example that one moment you're full of adrenaline, but the next second that adrenaline is gone.

I even began to miss the nights of sleep paralysis. I started to become very paranoid, feeling that someone was watching me while I slept or simply when I was lying in bed.

I know I shouldn't give up and leave everything I've done so far behind, but many times I wish my life would be chaotic or very eventful again, but I still don't understand why I want that.

Wow that sounds like a lot. If I understand correctly, there was just a lot going on. It seems like you took comfort in chaos while feeling calm. 

To consider: There's a lot on your plate rn. Do you have any hobbies or do any activities that require a challenge? Let's say a difficult project. Or even do something that involves a release such as taking a late night walk.

Personally, in a difficult situation, I would pray with the belief that the true God can hear me.

I'm here to talk.

I don't think I have a hobby, nor am I religious enough to pray. But I am starting to leave my house to go for walks, and I am writing in my journal again.