Love Bipolar !!

I don’t know how to feel anymore.

I love you:

It’s always been effortless to say.

I’ve always said it because I wanted you to know that I did,

that i’ll always be there for you,

that at the end of every argument, you still had me.

I wanted you to acknowledge that I would still love you no matter how many times we screamed at each other until we felt our lungs were collapsing,

no matter how many times i was petrified you were going to raise your hand like my grandfather,

I would continue to love you, NOT because I wanted you to love me in return.

But somewhere along the way, the love i gave so freely began to hurt.

If I love you so much, then why?

why do i feel as if my heart is internally bleeding?

an ache in my made up of your dearth,

a pain that feels like your hands encasing my heart,

squeezing and suffocating,

draining the life from something that once was an embodiment of my love for you,

the pain is unhealing and ongoing,

a persistent bloody wound that never closes.

my definition of love is to stand still with someone when you feel like running,

to stay when times get tough and to love them despite,

love is supposed to feel like butterflies in your stomach,

then why does it make me feel like this?

Was I wrong about love or just wrong about you?

you poisoned my brain with your words,

your hatred for me is the only thing my thoughts contain,

it eats at my soul until i am nothing more that a recollection of your hate,

you’re the darkness,

which is abnormal for someone I used to refer to as my sunshine boy.