I want to be deserving of being with him.

I wanna be pretty and cool and fun and smart, I wanna deserve the love of my partner, he is perfect and I feel so... wrong? I feel like a cockroach and I probably am and I dont know what to do in order to be better, to stop being ugly and pitifull, no matter how hard I try, nothing works, but I wanna be desired and feel like a princess and deserving of love, I wanna be deserving of being held and kissed and I dont want to be laughed at (at least not in that way), Im tired of being me.
I know I can tell him how I feel about myself, but dude I feel like this way too much and I have to tell him everytime I do he is going to end up bored and annoyed and I dont want him to leave me I want to get better for him, and I know he would enver hurt me and he is soo good, like an angel, so why do I feel like this? How Im I suposed to understand he actually likes me? Even if I do believe him because I trust him, how am I supposed to understand it? Just one look at him and one look at me and its so clear that he is out of my league, everyone likes him, probably everyone desires him, and then theres me, mumbling nonesense while I try to look cool so he looks at me, and still he is my partner, he wants to be with me and he wants me to be his, how?.
Its crazy because I wanna cry and I know I wont because I dont want him to worry and I just cant, I really cant because im so used to holding it that sometimes it just wont go out, and its ok because I also dont want to look dumb or vulnerable.
Im so tired of being myself and being so wrong, I wanna be with him because I deserve him, not just because of luck, I wanna be his, rightfully.