in desperate need of relationship advice the movie: four centuries of longing and yearning

i've known this girl, i'll call her michele, for about three or four years, and our relationship has been this weird fucking mix of will they/won't they. the connection has always felt deeper than anything else i've ever had with anyone else, and it's mutual. she calls me her soulmate, says i'm one of the only guys she could ever see herself dating, and tells me she’s never clicked with anyone the way she clicks with me. 

despite all of that, the situation is extremely fucking messy. she liked/likes a guy at her school who i'll call N, but she ended up dating someone else (C) because he asked her out publicly in front of her friends and she felt pressured. even during that relationship with C, she told me she loved me more than him and constantly came to me for emotional closeness. N is now finally starting to talk to her, and at the same time she’s reaffirming her love for me.

whenever i try to talk seriously about “what we are,” she gets uncomfortable and it feels like she’s walking on eggshells. but the second i step back, she pulls me right back in. i've tried this out, admittedly unintentionally by ignoring her for an entire day and she spammed me on every platform we shared. it almost feels lovebomb-y or push-pull-y.

we’ve both admitted that if distance hadn’t gotten in the way (she used to live in europe, now she across the country in america), we would’ve been together a long time ago. we've also both admitted that we mentally compare everyone we date to each other, like in terms of compatibility, no other girl has matched her, and no guy has matched me.

her mom even likes me and straight up asked me if i’d be coming over for christmas. i'm planning on it because she lives close-ish to where my grandparents live and i'm already flying out for winter break to see them/family. i feel like both of us know that this visit is going to force some kind of clarity and she gets quiet-ish whenever i bring it up. 

i just want an outside perspective on all this