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i'm free, now what?

for a long while now, i've been keeping busy with some responsibilities recently. and now that i basically finished that, i finally have the time to work on my art again.

but i just can't find the inspiration or desire to draw much anymore. i only had it when i was sitting with friends, chatting, talking or just doing work but when i'm by myself the desire to make art is basically just gone.

i've seen people who were under the same circumstances as me during the period i didn't have free time, and yet they kept making stuff, kept showing me that i am just a lazy idiot who can't work for their dream. everyday their progress and their impeccable skills taunt me and show me how incompetent i am, and yet here i am complaining about not acting on it.

i always wanted to make animations, comics but everytime i try to do it by myself i can't find something that makes me want to do that, all the time i just sit on my computer playing games or talking online without really doing anything productive. am i wrong for that? at least in my eyes i am.

even tho people say that discipline overcomes any obstacle, which i sometimes agree, that can't be applied to art. at least not for me, cus everytime i try to force myself into drawing i just fumble all over the place and end up creating what i can only describe as "scribbles of a bendy pendulum".

so what do i even do? i still love creating characters and stories, i still love the idea of showing to the world what my art means but i just can't muster the desire to make it. i'm lazy.

part of it is due to my recent falling out with other artists around the internet but also real life, everybody on the internet just seems to go towards sexual content, the same content that scarred my life and is the main source of my anger. that disgusts me, it makes me want to isolate myself because of the fear that once i make a friend, they will turn out to be one of those ugly maggots that infected artistic spaces as a whole. and the worst part is that its only me who thinks like that, most people praise and even admire people who make that content, without realizing the harm that they can actually do. so i end up isolating myself from everyone.

i still want to share my stories, i still want to make things. but what is the meaning of expression when there is literally no one to express it to?

what should i do?

thank you for reading.
-foreign mammal


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Reply by Syrsly

posted

"everybody on the internet just seems to go towards sexual content"
Tell me about it. Sex sells. The artists who want to make money tend to do what sells. The others get busy with life and move on. Some exceptions, of course.

Some suggestions for what to do to get inspiration again:
1. Take up a new hobby. Art gets stale after a while if all you're doing is the same old thing. Change things up! Maybe do game dev or VR sculpting or 3D print design?
2. Play something that will get you into a social circle again. Back in the 90s, that was MMORPGs like Graal Online or RuneScape. Nowadays, you'd probably have some good luck with VRChat or Helldivers or Arc Raiders or something of that nature.
3. Do some fan art. Start drawing scenes from your current favorite shows and/or games. Helps if you're still watching the show or playing the game. Fan art fuels art so easily and can be a great way to practice without having to be overly creative.

If you're in your 30s or older and want to hang on weekends, I may be down to chat sometimes. I'm not often free to do a lot, mind you, but when I'm free, I don't mind playing a game or chatting about art projects or whatever. Hit me up on a busier platform, though, if you don't want to wait for a response. lol


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Reply by Foreign Mammal

posted

yeah about your first paragraph... i do not agree at all, i never took money as a source of motivation for making art. that to me is downright scummy, and the fact people use sex as a tool for it without even thinking about the outcome just makes me nauseous. while i take your advice into consideration, i will not approach further. that nihilistic view of people is what makes so many people dangerous, and i will never fall into that thought process.


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Reply by Wired

posted

sometimes the meaning of expression does not involve others, there is art that will never be seen by anyone else but you, art serves both audience and creator. I understand where you're  coming from

personally, when i run out of inspiration I like to go outside and observe the world, look at the structures, the people and find something beautiful in it,

Then find a way to make my art soak into that feeling through a change on technique or theme altogether


Remember that you make art for yourself first and foremost



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Reply by Foreign Mammal

posted

i know what you mean by that but, to me making art just for myself feels kinda meaningless.
because why do i need to put in effort to explain my ideas to myself when i can just imagine them? at that point drawing just feels worthless. that is why i like to sometimes draw for others, its a fun challenge for both me and the people i'm sharing ideas with, cus i'm trying to communicate a concept with someone else through my art, and it's kinda useless to do that with myself because i already know everything about it.


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