did i make something wrong?

I’ve never been someone who truly loved another person (I can count on my fingers the people I’ve really loved). But about eight months ago, I met a boy. I always wondered how I even fell in love  because to me, how can someone love another if they hate themselves? It was strange, but also wonderful. It was because of him that I managed to improve my depression a little.

Anyway, I always thought he was quite similar to my brother (and my brother was like a father to me), and that scared me, because my brother, in moments of anger, was never... pleasant. And yesterday, my boyfriend showed anger exactly like my brother’s. I was shocked.

The reason was this: I went to play a game with a friend, but someone who had hurt me a lot in the past was also on the call. My boyfriend asked me not to go, but I disobeyed because I wanted to play with my friends  after all, they’re people I love. After that, he got very angry and said he felt betrayed.

Honestly, I don’t see the problem with playing with my friends. I know that person was there, but I didn’t even talk to them. I really don’t understand the gravity of what I did. Did I really do something so wrong?

I feel so regretful about what happened. I’ve tried to apologize, again and again, because I never wanted to hurt him. I didn’t do it out of disrespect or betrayal  I just wanted to spend time with my friends, the people who make me feel safe. But now everything feels broken.

I don’t understand why he started acting this way. Everything was going so well between us. I thought we were happy. I thought he understood me. But now he’s distant, cold, and he keeps ignoring me, even though he knows how much I’ve been crying, how much this is hurting me.

I keep asking myself what I could have done differently, but I don’t have an answer. I just wish he could see that I never meant to make him feel betrayed  that I’m just a person who made a mistake, and that I’m truly sorry.