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I saw a post on instagram that depicted a couple in bed, the man was attempting to get it in with his girl. And she was pushing him away saying she didn't feel like doing it tonight. He was complaining about how she hasn't given it up in 2 weeks... the caption read "this is why we cheat on ya'll." So of course knowing the world we live in today, I took my ass right on to the comments and decided to give it a good scrolling through. Some of the comments were pretty funny, but most of them were honestly disturbing due to the amount of men who were praising the behavior to go out and cheat if your partner doesn't want to give you sex. Then there were women who were insisting that since you're "his wife" your job is to serve him and to give him what he wants when he asks.
I can't stress enough how horrific and damaging and toxic that kind of thinking is. I'm by no means a relationship expert, but I am a young guy (under 30) and i'm happily married to my best friend of 11+ years. So I'd say I'd have a good bit of knowledge and wisdom to share some things on this topic of discussion.
First I'd like to start with, it's flat out WRONG to cheat on your partner because you can't get something that you want. It's WRONG to think that you're a piece of property and a sexual object for your partner, and to encourage others to participate in that kind of stuff. I'm sure we all know it's wrong, but I want to explain WHY it's wrong. It's wrong because sex shouldn't be a deal breaking factor in if you make the choice to remain faithful to someone who has feelings enough for you to let you inside of them. If your partner tells you know, regardless if it's been 2 days, 2 weeks, or 2 months. Getting mad and running off to the easiest girl you can find is just a sure way to seal your fate in a multitude of ways. Doing that isn't only damaging your partner but it damages you too. You may not see that now, but it will always appear at a later time. No matter who you are, how hard you ran from it. One way or another life will repay you what you put out into the world.
There are TONS of ways to work through that issue of your partner not wanting to give it up as much as you'd like if at all really. Communication, and comprehension are going to be your best friends when it comes to sensitive topics like this. If her not wanting to have sex with you is that problematic for you, just speak up and let her know what you're thinking. Tell her why it's bothering you, how it makes you feel bad and not just you can't bust a nut. But don't JUST leave it at what's bothering you, ASK HER what's going on with her. Ask her if there's anything you can do to help the situation, ask her if there's anything she's going through that may be stopping her from being in the mood, maybe something shifted in the relationship and she isn't getting something that she was getting before that would make her WANT to be with you in that way. More times than not, a compromise can be agreed upon and things will work out for both of you and you won't have to worry about doing dirt, lying, trying to hide it, trying to move your life around, just to have a fun time with a temporary person.
From my personal experience with my wife, we were like rabbits for our first 3 years together, then we got married. And then life just happened, we weren't intimate the way we used to be. And it really bothered me as a man. It made me feel like I was doing something wrong, that maybe she didn't want me anymore, maybe i wasn't sexy to her anymore, maybe i grossed her out now, maybe maybe maybe maybe. Some nights I'd actually cry about it, because the not knowing would eat me alive. And she could tell on my face, every time she said no i was becoming more and more defeated until i just stopped asking altogether. I would always try to do things differently, try to keep things spontaneous, fun, thrilling, passionate, genuine, etc. i would ask her sometimes why i wasn't good enough to be with anymore, and if she was losing interest in me, and if we made a mistake getting married so early. And how her turning me down every single time i'd ask, made me feel like a really small man. Because all a man really wants, is to be WANTED. when a man feels wanted it really can make a world of difference. During my explanation of what was going on with me, i couldn't help but to start crying a little bit. Cause I love her, she's my best friend, she's my wife, and someone I care about and want to make her happy and live a happy and peaceful life together. And no sooner than i started crying, did she grab my face and made me look her in the face. And explained that I wasn't doing anything wrong, and i was doing everything she could've ever dreamed of and was thankful i didn't stop doing what i was doing. Thankful that i didn't do what a lot of guys would do, and go and cheat on her. Thankful I spoke up and wanted to fix a problem together. She explained to me that she believes she has a hormonal disorder that essentially destroys your sex drive. Where your body and brain want sex, until it comes time to do the action. Then her brain just like shuts down, and turns into a hard no. And how she never liked or enjoyed sex with any of her past partners. And the only reason she made sure we had sex as much as we did prior to marriage is because she was afraid if she didn't give me sex i would leave her or cheat on her. Once we both laid all the cards out on the table, we came up with a plan that worked for us. Where things could stay healthy and open and honest with one another even when it comes to stuff like this. But I learned how to work with what she deals with every day, and she's learned how to give me what i need without fullly giving me what i'm asking for. it was a compromise that truly strengthened our relationship exponentially.
Now that time has passed and we have learned and grown, sex just really isn't that important when you're really with someone that you love. Someone that you just love their presence, love their smell, laugh, touch, smile, brains, etc. There are so many other ways to be intimate and get much deeper than you ever could with sex.
Now this isn't the solution for everyone, but communication, comprehension, compromising, honesty, transparency, being open minded, etc. are some of the deciding factors in which way your relationship goes from there on.
Feel free to give any feedback!
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so I honestly agree with this 100% he’d guilt trip me and sadly in today’s day and age people do say it’s our job as the wife. But if we say no we mean no. It’s our body and we have a say in if we sleep with our husbands or not. We too are sometimes not in the mood or we don’t feel good or we’re tired. I don’t like that way of thinking but long story short. I 100% agree with you. 
