experience with Satanism

I think many Satanists, especially younger ones, have experienced rejection from family or friends when they mention their beliefs. It happened to me.

Last year was awful. I felt terrible most of the time and didn't have the support I needed. I tried to find peace in a religion or philosophy where I wouldn't feel so alone. I had already been a Christian and a Catholic, so I knew that wouldn't help me. After days, weeks, maybe even months of searching, I found LaVeyan Satanism, and I felt my mind open up completely.

I had been a Christian, a Catholic (as I said), a spiritualist, a polytheist, I tried Wicca but didn't have the tools or the money, then an agnostic, and finally an atheist. But Satanism was what really resonated with me. It made sense. I felt that it reflected who I was more than anything else.

After accepting myself as a Satanist, I hid it from my family for about eight months. When I finally told my mother and stepfather, I felt as if I had freed myself from a rope that was tightening around my arms, but also as if I had let go of something heavy that was crushing me. My stepfather accepted it well and understood me. But my mother didn't. She kept asking me “why?” and telling me I was going down the wrong path, blah, blah, blah... It's been so long that I don't even remember exactly what she said to me.

Even now, she still doesn't accept it, and we don't talk about it today. At first it was difficult because she knew it bothered me that she imposed her religion on me, but she kept praying for me and treated my complaints as if they were a joke or something unimportant. I don't know if she still does, but I don't care so much anymore.

She also told me that when I grew up and had a partner, she wanted to see me get married in a church, because she never got to do that. I used to dream about that when I was little... Maybe I'll get married in a Satanic church. Or maybe I'll just have a civil ceremony. Or maybe I won't get married and just live my life.

In the end, I realized how much I've been looked down on just for being a Satanist. Even a friend's mother forbade her from talking to me because of that (and other personal things about that friend). But I knew that fear came from ignorance: she didn't even try to learn what it was about before judging.

A lot has happened, but those are the main things.

To anyone going through something similar: you can find support. Don't let a few empty words make you feel bad or make you question yourself. You know who you are, they don't.