do i count as a christian?

Complex question that depends on who you ask and what theology you're following. You might find a home with Quakers though. 

most fundamental test to answer if you are a christian or not: do you believe in the nicene creed?

Best list of questions I’ve found:

1. Has God promised to save all who call upon Him for salvation? (Romans 10:13)

2. Have you confessed your sin and believed the Gospel? (Romans 10:9)

3. Has God given you a hatred of sin and a desire to follow Jesus? (1 John 1:5-10)

4. Are you seeking to follow Him? (Matthew 16:24-26)

Those are the only requirements listed in Scripture for you to be sure of your salvation.

I don't want to be mean, but I think that you just don't understand most rules. To be a Christian you don't have to agree with everything the church says, but if you don't believe in what is considered dogmatic then you can't be Christian (I assume you mean Catholic since you're talking about the church). I recommend breaking in the habit, I think fr. Casey is really good at explaining Christian theology, and he's also humble about it. He has a series dedicated to explaining Catholic traditions called "Catholicism in focus". I think you'd like it if you want to understand why we have the rules we do, some are illogical and some are not.

have you read the gospels? read them again. this time with an atheist mindset (trust the process). I almost lost my religion because I was literally abused for the sake of bullshit notions of purity. then i realized that conservatism and christianity shouldnt even be in the same sentence. 

people take for granted that god exists and jesus is the son of god and jesus was destined to die and revive cuz hes all powerful. they completely overlook what he fought for, who killed him, and why. jesus spent his entire three years of work battling bigotry based on conservatism and purity codes. 

By purity codes i mean leviticus, the book that the religious authorities kept quoting to his face while spitefully calling him Master. Leviticus is an extremely outdated health and social etiquette textbook that once had its place but clearly expired even 2000 years ago as people forgot the meaning behind those rules and they became more harmful than anything - for example, an eye for an eye originally meant 'no cruel and unusual punishment,' but by jesus' time he had to tell people that they didnt actually have to exact a punishment. but for some reason people continue to quote leviticus to this day ("thou shall not lie with mankind as with womankind: it is abomination" leviticus 18:22). 

the point is people overlook the fact that jesus stood up to authority, knew his worth, was humble without being a doormat, defended women, was killed by the people who were supposed to support him when his only crime was loving in ways that made people uncomfortable, for breaking the rules in the name of love. 

now people perpetuate the exact mindset that killed him, but tack his name on it. so not only are they totally defiling everything he said, but give jesus himself a bad name when all he did was love relentlessly. and somehow they expect their street evangelism efforts to gain them followers. 

so i agree with you. the church is fucked up. thats not how it should be. the rules are there for your own discipline and spiritual health, not to impose on each other and judge and punish each other as if we know better than god who deserves love and life. 

i think @Lane put it pretty well. if your heart is pure and you genuinely are inspired by jesus to be a good person, then you dont even need the rules. 

also i once watched a tedtalk where this dude tried to follow every single rule in the bible for a year. it looked excruciating. he concluded that the bible is literally structured for you to have to pick and choose which rules youre gonna follow. you have to choose between being like the pharisees or today's evangelists, or being a filthy woke liberal who thinks everyone deserves love and respect and that politics and religion should be separate.