trans boy in need of advice (lowkey a vent)

if your parents could support you being " friends " with someone in the lgbt community you could say youre going to the club to support them, though i understand its risky. if youre feeling anger what i used to do is write down all my worst feelings and rip it up and everything else i would journel it, whenever feeling a certain way just try to journel through your feelings. its rough and im not in your position so i could never understand your personal perspective but thats just something that helped me when i was younger. keep trying to remember that life wont allways be like this. 

as a person thats been there ( kinda ) i promise it gets easier, though i know thats hard to believe. 

masculine scented stuff helps, mens deoderant has the automatic excuse of it lasts longer, bodywash and stuff smells stronger too.  i hope this helps or at the very least helps you feel a little better 

A lot of LGBTQ groups include allies in the group specifically to covertly include people who don't want to out themselves. It's still risky, but it might be possible to phrase it as you wish to show support to the community or another friend like Courtz said or even just as an extracurricular you could be a part of. It sounds like others have vetted the school counselor, but I still understand your hesitancy. It's a tough position to be in.

Courtz's idea about using affirming body items is a great one to help ease things for yourself, if even a little. If you are able to have say over your hair style, get the one you've always wanted. Honestly, working out is doing wonders for me because it's giving me a more muscular look I never knew I wanted and the strength to actually lift heavy objects which is a HUGE benefit and boost to self perception. If you do work out, just make sure to do it safely! Do not overexert yourself.

Once you are free of others' controlling mindsets you will have the ability to make the decisions you want and need. If you ride it out now it does get better.

Perhaps this is me being biased, but my only advice is to use a counsellor as a last case scenario. I have heard far too many stories of counsellors being trained to report instead of help.

There are so many online spaces for trans people like you! and i know you said you have bad experiences with online friends, but there are so many people out there who will be nice and kind to u!