I'm not sure

First off, hello everyone! Um, I'd like to express my feelings about feeling like crap and a femcee. I haven't had a serious relationship, and it scares me. Teenagers my age already have relationships, but it seems like I don't really interest guys, or at least scare them off.. haha Maybe I'm just too complicated?? I like and it scares the hell out of me the thought of wanting a stalker... I think it's bad... but I don't know. I like guys who are different... weird, nerdy, Aggressive and unbalanced. I also like the bowl cut; it's fun. I'd like to find a boyfriend, but...I've searched many times and failed many times... only pedos were interested in me... well, I don't even think about me, but only my body??? I hate pedos on the internet! And in life! I hate Richard. I like how boys cry, but at the same time I'm afraid of it... I'm afraid of someone crying near me because I don't know what to do to make the person feel better, I myself fall into a stupor and don't know what to do...?? Sometimes I act a bit childish... sometimes too closed off. Maybe that's the problem... but I've tried so many times to be better than someone I'm not, but for some reason it doesn't work. I would like to have internet friends, but maybe I'm too weird after what I wrote above, or I'm stupid, I don't know... for now I guess