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Anyone wanna edit/read my prologue?

⤷ ゛Helena ˎˊ˗'s profile picture

Posted by ⤷ ゛Helena ˎˊ˗

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when I first wrote it, it was a very unserious story. Now I've put it into a serious tone, despite the whole idea being silly.

before you read this, js know, I got some TW: MENTION OF GUNS AND ANIMAL ABUSE.

If your comfortable or 'alright' with reading this, do read it (please).

If not comfortable or 'alright' with the trigger warnings, I suggest not reading it.

Anyways, here it is, Running Wild

Its not FULLY formatted yet, so I will fix that it a bit but that doesn't matter.

Hope you all like it! (despite the trigger warnings...)


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SmogHotdog's profile picture

Reply by SmogHotdog

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Alright, I don't want to sound too harsh here- but if you want this story to be more effective you should probably reevaluate the entire idea, or the execution at the very least. 

While the idea itself was supposed to be silly- and it's clear that's what you're going for throughout- it isn't funny enough to be considered a gimmick or joke story, nor does it take itself seriously enough for it to be a "silly idea turned serious." Rather than awkwardly dawdling in the middle, I suggest you lean towards one side, and discard the other. 

Aside from that, and the apparent lacking in the grammar department (which is fine, it can be refined after you have a decent, coherent story) the pacing isn't ideal. You jump randomly from one sequence to the next, which (once again) would be fine if there was anything remotely interesting going on. 

No serious action to justify the random jumps, no comedic gain from the random jumps= A story that starts nowhere and goes...Nowhere.


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