I have some conflicting feelings

Ok so I think I'm a lesbian. I don't like it. I support LGBTQ+ I support everyone and when I see someone being happy for who they are I find that nice. But I never felt pride myself. I feel weird and gross and to make things worse the entire school think they know I'm gay. I get asked and I feel awkward and defensive. My friend mentions it like no problem and I feel angry that that information is being passed around like nothing and I always hated feeling feminine. I was never attracted to guys. Just could never imagine it. And I like the thought of people being happy lesbians, living life as everyone else. But then I think of myself like that and it's disgusting and wrong. And if I think "what if I was straight" I imagine a world where I'm this respected, family man with a loving wife and I'm confused?? I have to be the dude in my head?? I by no means think lesbians are gross or bad. They r awesome. But I think I am. Anyone else felt like this?