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Most of the time, I wish I could just be normal. I’m not saying I’m quirky or unique in a good way—I feel different in the worst possible way. I feel uncomfortable in my own soul and body. Around people, I always act strange and say things I don’t even mean to say, or behave in ways I don’t want to. I constantly feel anxious and scared, even though I know I don’t really care about them. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve felt this way. I feel like I take up too much space, like I don’t even deserve to breathe next to people because I might annoy them. I usually try to cover it up by being funny and sarcastic, and my friends say I’m bold and rude. Deep down, I know I should not talk, because I’m always hurting people in some way but they don’t even like it when I get quiet, even though I’m most comfortable that way ı always feel constant pressure to talk.
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Reply by twinkgender
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Hey - I feel you. It turns out, for me, that I had severe, unmanaged ADHD and anxiety and combined it meant I just couldn't shut the eff up in elementary/middle/high school. Therapy helps, meds help (again, all in my own experience). Even a guidance counselor can be a good outlet on occasion for dumping your brain out so you have fewer things to blurt later, haha. I dunno. It's hard to navigate for sure; I had a lot of self-hate during those years. (Seriously, I'm only here because of therapy and medication and a strong support network that I've built up over the years.)
I'm not sure I have a good way to conclude this. Keep your head up - life does get better as an adult when you're not forced to be social for so many of your waking hours (work aside, that's a different kind of social energy I suppose). People are more chill as adults, for the most part. Surround yourself with chill people, I guess is my advice. Don't invite drama into your life. But now I'm getting off track.
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Reply by humby
posted
I feel and understand your situation so much and all is soso relatable :( especially the part on feeling uncomfortable with ur own soul and body. It must've been a lonely, having to feel like that right? wishing you the best stranger <3
Reply by LocustKing
posted