you're the universe experiencing itself

Hello everyone! This group feels really cozy and safe :o)

I'm struggling with chronic anxiety and I'm thinking a lot, I live most of my life in my own head, escapism is my way to go. I feel like I'm far behind other people my age, I am for sure not ready for adult life. Sometimes I wish I could just stay locked in my room away from the outside world and write down what I feel, and sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my teenage years and my fears are stopping me from truly living. I'm not suited to life in a society focused on career, success, and consant hurry. I see myself as some kind of cosmic matter sent to this world to experience it with all my senses, to love, to suffer, to gaze at the sky reflected in a pond, to lie in dewy grass and reflect the stars in my eyes, to run along a beach with water up to my thighs, to listen to the stories of people I meet along the way, to bathe in the sun, to eat raspberries straight from the bush. Looking for my soulmate who is as unfitting, anxious and sentimental as me. Maybe I'll find them on an online forum, who knows.