VENT IT OUT!

I feel stuck in my past. Unable to move on from certain things or missing certain people that I wish were still around. I think about things I could've or should've said and it honestly eats me up inside. I think about the days when everything was so much easier and I was so care free, and now I feel like all I do is stress about things I can't change anymore.

im not sure anymore why i keep going . "u know u just gotta pull thru it" is what i wanna believe but i feel like im wayyyyyyyy too far gone i keep clinging to people who arent good for me and i know that but i need someone to depend on 

sometimes i think my past will forever prison me. i did think i deserve to be looked down upon and i still do for my present self. 

asijewjaiuehajwniuhgjfdgk going thru a sexuality crisis rn. so im bisexual right, well idk anymore cuz i fall in love with people romantically (pretty rarely but it still happens) but im too afraid to be in a romantic relationship due to past experiences, uncomfortableness, etc. and  kissing and sex is downright disgusting to me so my romantic interest in someone jsut fades into a desire for a friendship with them, non-platonic or platonic. i really like physical touch tho but the closest ill be comfortable with is tight hugs, face-touching, etc. and as i said, kissing is beyond my limit, only if its on the lips cuz i dont mind cheek-kissing. well anyways idk if im bi, aro, ace or aroace or something else i dont know exists blablablbalbablblablablabla half of this rant is pointless idek what im saying im just going thru a crisis mans

fuck my job, fuck this situation that I got stuck into, I'm tired fighting this battle and hope this ends right away.

i cant tell if i want to kill myself or just need help

I cant tell if my friends hate me or not,my dad keeps calling me rude stuff like a b*tch and a horrible person,I'm resisting the erge to doself harm, and I cant tell anyone or I will get in trouble

my friends are half the problem,if I tell the school counselor she has to tell my parents,if I tell my mom she will just say I'm fine and leave it at that,my dad would kill me,and my sister would say I'm overreacting

I'm about to explode and when I do I'm done for

i dont know how to deal with this

i have severe social anxiety and dont have any frnds

i dont even know how to make one

kinda confused  in life rn

I hate being aro-spec I don't how I feel about love, romance and all that dumb shit I don't even know if I ever felt romantic attraction ever, I thought I did but I feel like I was just lying and forcing myself to fit in with everyone. I hate real life romance everytime I see a couple or hear about it I feel uncomfortable and jealous. Jealous because I don't understand but I want to. I want to understand and live all that cringy romance stuff it sounds amazing but the idea of a relationship disgusts me. Maybe it's because I'm totally, constantly touch starved because physical touch was never a thing in my family and all my irl friends don't really like being touched so I don't want to force them unless they do it by themself and I'm someone who LOVES physical touch so ya...

Fictional romance / ships are totally okay for me, but only sometimes. Like I have no problem imagining scenarios and stuff, but I can't draw or write anything because again, it makes me feel uncomfortable. But I want to write and draw romantic stuff. It feels good thinking about it, but actually doing it ? Hell no.

Tbh honest I don't even know if it all makes sense, my throat hurts from crying, I can't sleep, I just can't keep trying to understand. This has been going on for months now and I never talk about it cuz it feels stupid to me. I've read other aro-spec people's experience but I fknd can't any to relate to. I'm just alone with those confusing feelings. I just want to understand dammit.

Social anxiety sucks, I hate feeling like I fuck everything up. If I feel like I'm being to "slow" I feel like I'm ruining someone's day... I always wanna talk to more people but it's always too overstimulating I feel like crying after every interaction 

mental health services are so shit in this country i have no choice but to let the delusions and unhealthy habits consume me

i feel like my relationships drain me out. i am tired of being either a personal psychiatrist or a personal crying illow and i am tired of being painted as an almost abusive people when all i did was joke with things very clear in context.
i know that maybe those jokes were kinda dark, but i thought we're at the point in the relationship to know that things like that aren't meant seriously and each other's actual opinions on the topic, not being fucking scolded :) 

I feel like the bad guy like I have checked out of the relationship with my boyfriend like I love him I truly do but he is harming me mentally he wants the consent 24/7 contact and like I need space like I want a good middle and every time I say this he pulls the woe is me and its driving me crazy like he is pushing my boundaries that I set up from the very beginning and I don't think I am really can't continue like this. 

Please stop sending me friend request if you don’t have your age anywhere on your profile. I don’t want to interact with minors. 

cant

It would get deleted.

i feel like im being judged for my illness, because i dont struggle with depression and sh or whatever, people think im not ill and i get told that im just evil a lot, people dont understand im actually ill and i wish i wasnt. it sucks. 

They’re talking to each other like it’s not a group chat. Like I don’t exist. Maybe I don’t to them. As soon as I say something they’re quiet. They make plans in the group chat, plans I’m not invited to. I don’t think it’s fair.

I don't know what to do, I feel like I don't deserve anything I have, I try to help but I end up doing the opposite, I want to give advice but I feel like I don't do what I say 

I'm so done with everyone in my class... Im studying to become a dietitian but previusly I studied arts and I feel so alone sometimes. Its not anyones fault, but I don't share any interests or perspectives with anyone in my class and I feel so much pressure/tenssion when Im alone with anyone of them. I started to feel a irrational hatred for them and I feel so bad and guilty because of that, but I can't help it. I'm afraid I may have something undiagnosticated though, because it's not normal how much I overthink about absolutly everytjing at every moment and how much discomfort I feel when I`m in class around people.

The course end in May, I hope I won't see anyone of them again

Just wanted to go on quick vent here cuz it’s about to be new years and I shouldn’t be having this negativity but here we are.

Right now I’m feeling a little tense because I was just a restaurant and I got yelled by a waitress all cuz I asked for sauce.. and the waiter was made rude and the other’s employees did nothing about it and it felt as I was the crazy one like bro how yo gon yell at me all cuz I asked for a sauce and I thought you didn’t hear me and then you want to backpedal and say I was the rude one?? Some people just shouldn’t have jobs if they can’t be respectful to customers and even when I spoke to other manager about it, they just seemed annoyed at the fact that I brought it up. What a way to close out the year.🤦‍♂️

I’m just so sick and tired of people thinking they can disrespect me with no regard this is why I’m just sick of people i shouldn’t be having all this shit heading into 2025 #ihatepeople

*this mentions sh and suicide and like some other stuff ig yeah idek*

as a kid I've always felt so dead and sad, I'm not even trying to sound edgy ever since I was 4 I would always think about dying and how better my life would be if I'm dead, all of that led to my first attempt.. I was only 5 and in a few hours I was gonna turn 6, I hated my life sm at that point that I just couldn't take it anymore. after that I've tried sm times to kms but nothing has worked even until now (I'm 15) I've huffed shit, taken sm pills at once, hung myself, drowned myself I even had to stab myself but nothing worked. no matter how much I try I just wont die years and years of trying and I'm still in this shitty place, every month is a new attempt and I really cant take it anymore, I'm honesty just thinking about blowing my head in with a g.u.n, but that's just a dream yet to come true...from now on I'll just have to rely on a blade dragging across my skin.

*this mentions sh and suicide and like some other stuff ig yeah idek*

as a kid I've always felt so dead and sad, I'm not even trying to sound edgy ever since I was 4 I would always think about dying and how better my life would be if I'm dead, all of that led to my first attempt.. I was only 5 and in a few hours I was gonna turn 6, I hated my life sm at that point that I just couldn't take it anymore. after that I've tried sm times to kms but nothing has worked even until now (I'm 15) I've huffed shit, taken sm pills at once, hung myself, drowned myself I even had to stab myself but nothing worked. no matter how much I try I just wont die years and years of trying and I'm still in this shitty place, every month is a new attempt and I really cant take it anymore, I'm honesty just thinking about blowing my head in with a g.u.n, but that's just a dream yet to come true...from now on I'll just have to rely on a blade dragging across my skin.