im a terrible girlfriend

I’m a terrible girlfriend. I’ll admit that. I’m not sure of a lot of things, but that I’m certain of. So I’ll apologize the same way I realized it: through one of these things.. I try so hard to be a good one, but I just end up being terrible. My girlfriend will ask me not to do things, and instead of listening and being understanding, I bring up the things and mistakes she’s made in the past. I love her so much, and I am trying to change, but I don’t deserve her. All she wants is the best for me and instead of letting her help me, I blame her for the mistakes she’s made. The things she’s apologized over and over for. Instead of trying to see her point of view, I stayed to mine. I don’t forget times that people have made a mistake, because I’m a shitty person. I remember every wrong thing they say and every wrong thing they do, then I eventually use it against them. And god, I didn’t even realize I was doing that to her. I’m not going to make excuses for it anymore. I refuse to. And although I’m not gonna say her full name, I will say this: Ellie, I’m sorry. I love you so much, I’m changing for you. I may not be the best but I’m trying. I promise.