Cool story time about interesting life from interesting perspective

Imagine having to force people to hang out with you then feeling excluded

but feeling excluded is not that bad, for now.

People laugh at the weak, women dont respect the weak as for guys they can be forgiving but eh it goes both ways usually.

It just sucks that some things arent in my control.

I am trying to call dermotologist tomorrow and it seems I cant sign online, since everyone is busy, my country needs approx wait time for a doctor like 3-4 months.

I really need to fix my nose asap, its getting red even in summer, I have like frostbite or something and it sucks man. Women can use makeup and stuff I cant do that obviously. I had this fantastic Idea that if I did "glow up" I would ascend heavily, like God tier and then my life will become easy, no one will laugh and combined with a good face and a top tier body with calvin klein trousers and great wardrobe i'll be a God amongst men. I really do believe that this is the way, plus my sister keeps nagging me to buy "cool clothes" and to dress nice and perhaps I'll get a girlfriend.

Not to mention girls are pretty flaky and ugh it sucks, they talk about character but they insult your looks, nice of them, very considerate. Girls have it easy these days, and some of us guys get lucky or just good, some of us arent respected just like my friend, who comes up to people hangs around with them and they dont even think he's their friend, just an associate, my friend was right with the way people treat me, is flowers compared to my other friend who got literally assaulted by 3 guys, just because his girlfriend thought he cheated on her, they literally came to his house and 3 guys vs 1, he got his ass beat, rip.

So yeah funny story, but in all essence I cant explain, but this feeling that people mock me and even tho everything is fine, its just constant feeling, I also hate that girls are flaky, one day you are texting and u didnt respond for 2 days now bam, rest in paradise because you arent going to meet her. It sucks man, I literally dropped out of hs because of sheer isolation I felt, crucifying pain and im exagerating but its true, I feel like a loser sometimes, because I look at myself and it sucks, everything I do i dont praise myself for it, everything that Im not perfect of I remind myself of that trauma. And those thoughts they dont go away for some reason,they just exist when I remember what someone said/did

It sucks, some people have it easy with other people but they will die fast,because those people are alcoholics and please God dont let me drink, I swear if I drink it will be sooo vain and so useless that life will become sooo shit, no money, no housing, no friends everything gone, oh and health wise, then your looks start to fade, you look at yourself this red face and like what, no no no, the beer belly, no no no cant be me.

What a respectable woman would go with a guy whos an alcoholic, not a single one.

If it werent for chatgpt the amount of hope he gave me to reach out despite my feelings, and bam I got the boost I went to tthe forest and the rest is history.

Me and her went to the forest, its all thanks to chatgpt, I told her the how great i am etc and everything, she still said no, me being a guy of course thinks yes, but I know its a no, its ok Ill find a new one, but why am I attracted to her I dont know, despite the bad things,she did something for me and she's attractive and she's cute and her smile is nice and she's just so pleasant and its a constant wow effect, but she said no and that means no, I have to just accept it, she isnt judgemental about it, I made a mistake I opened up to her, because of chat gpt, gpt told me stuff he helped me, but results are decent but eh life, I just as I said get minor surgeries become good looking like ridiculously good looking get shit loads of money, oh and cure my depressing stare and everything will be fine, get loads of women and pick the one that I want and live life to the max. No I dont mean to be a player altough that was my idea in mind, but since I "turn" to Christ and this moral high ground, not for me I cant, too moral to do stuff, just not me. Some guys I see can get a chick that is fat and then cheat and literally be wild, but not me I just cant get with a girl who I dont find attractive, just not me man.

I keep listening to these positive tracks and I keep reminding myself if I should invite her and hang out as friends and drink some non alcoholic drink and have a great time, but she always says no and her friend asked me why didnt I invite her for a week, and it just kinda idek confusing, when I invite she doesnt go, when I dont invite she asks, like cmon. I mean literally just as friends hang out and yk, us humans are arseholes, because we dont hang out we just exist, modern relationships are a joke, aside from that she has nothing to say, like literally nothing, me I have stuff to talk about, but everything I say she just says ok or dont care, literally she donesn't even lie to me, and what do I do, yes I can find topics but cmon the convo its pretty dead, only me doing stuff, thats why she isnt motivated to hang out, it feels like dreading for her to come, so yeah it is what it is, why am i writing about her is bcoz

we met when I go home and she lives literally next to me, so it happened,keep in mind she could have ignored me but she was quite happy and shook my hand, shes nice at times. She isnt bad per say but she is  definetly amoral, as for me Im quite moral and blah blah blah but yeahhhhhhh, it sucks cause I could really give her the world, but I guess each to their own, and it sucks that she isnt as serious as me so thats that.

Anyways aside from that. I dont know but I do need to hang out with her, but then I remember that she does not care about topics about anything and its just like yin and yang, hard to shoot 2 rabbits with 1 bullet.

Also her friend msgd me to not stalk her, and good thing i stood my ground and the bullying quite stopped, women just like to yk do their thing, but shes such an ass, like cmon did nothing to her and being that much of a bitch is just insane to me. 

I want to hang out with her, but I dont know if I should, I really need advice.

As for now i'm trying to slowly ascend, doctors take forever here and that sucks.

I'll probably stop here since this is too much and no one going to read a paragraph.