How can i learn to like myself

Question

I genuinely really can't think of anything i like about myself anymore. Every school I've been to since I've been 10 I've been hated or have just been an outcast going from them not liking me because I'm weird, quiet or due to rumors everywhere I'm on of the most hated there.

I've been told by so many people even friends that I am ugly and my worst features are always pointed out to the point where i feel sick even staring at myself in the mirror and i hate waking up in my body. I don't think i've heard a real compliment in years to the point the negatives are all i know. I'm a closeted Trans and i can't open up to family because they are very against it and i hear them cheer when laws are made against trans as well as always saying they'd never associate with one.

I'm not smart academically and everything i thought i was good at I've been nothing at compared to everyone else I've known. I hate feeling the way I do and I hate that everyone is better than me.

The only girl i ever dated constantly had me crawling back to her and she never acknowledged how i felt, broke boundaries and built everything we had off lies but even though i knew it i couldn't leave because in my eyes she was amazing. I had no self confidence and the break up destroyed me. I know it was better but i feel like she was still better than me. I remember she used to leave me out and not even see me for months at a time without reason and i was always left out of every hang out with people and when her friends spread rumors about me that could've ruined my life she chose their side and stopped seeing me for months but pretended it was just her being busy but she always chose to see them still.

Throughout the last 7 years everything that made me happy about myself faded away from me and I can't stand it anymore and i feel invisible and as a shell of a person and I can't move on from anything that happened. I never have had anyone i can open up to so I just hope this reaches someone who cares. Thank you if you read this.

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idk why but i feel it's all my fault i lived my life like this.

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sorry to hear that. my only advice is to stop living for the approval of others, easier said than done for sure but I believe you can do it. if you have any vices or addictions try to quit those too

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If you want a like temporary? solution I would just recommend trying to exercise (weightlifting if possible) and get weight gainer (like a calorie dense protein powder). Long term you should focus on your self esteem though, I don't know much about how to do that myself. Overall don't worry too much tho it's definitely normal to feel insecure

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hopefully you will see this, i know your post was a while ago. **not a MH professional, just been thru a LOT of treatment.**

im unsure your age, but im almost 24 and i started to fall apart around 11. i was bullied my whole life, but around then i got incredibly suicidal. i also have autism, adhd, cptsd, and a multitude of other things that weigh me down and made the bullying that much worse.

its easier to accept yourself when you start small. dont try to make the negatives positive, just neutral. its not easy, but you DO have a choice to attach yourself or not to your thoughts. your thoughts and the things your brain says arent YOU. theyre chemical reactions and things youve learned in your lifetime. like for me, i was raised in a racist household so i have negative thoughts sometimes about others in that sense. but that isnt ME. YOU are what YOUR values are. so for me, im into social justice, and doing whats right, treating others with kindness. my thoughts arent me.

and the same for you. those negative thoughts you have about yourself, arent you. its what your brain is taught. brains love patterns and until a wrench is thrown into that process, you will continue to think that way.

i also dont want to dismiss what youre going thru. none of this is easy, and esp being closeted at home is HORRIBLE. its hard to give yourself love when you cant even be yourself at home.

self love (or neutrality) starts at accepting the reality. it is what it is, and you can only do whats in your control. you cant change the minds of others, you cant MAKE people like you. (this one was hard for me, but it helps to think i dont like EVERYBODY so not everyone will like me either.) just try to stick to your core values, or find what they are. what makes you smile, even a little? what makes your heart happy?

just try to take it one second, one minute, one hour at a time. observe your surroundings. you are real and you MATTER!

the way your life is isnt your fault.

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