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This is a song fanfiction based on "It almost worked" by TV Girl, I don't allow my work to be shared, translated or used somewhere else (if you want to take inspiration, ask me and give credit pls ty ty)
TW : Self Harm, Family Abuse/Neglect, Suicidal Thoughts, Depression, Emotional Distress, Violence, Mental Health Struggles
Everyone looks the same in this town
A multitude of bored faces were going through this hallway daily, a variety of tears had flooded those floors and a multitude of black wizard robes had swept the floors of those old tiles.
You can hardly tell the difference
The uniforms had made it impossible to distinguish who was who from a distance, the only distinction possible being the colors of their tie or the flamboyant colors of their hair, nobody could distinguish anybody when everybody was walking on each other. Not even caring to see if the somebody next to them was crying, looked angry or was trying to disappear. Everybody cared for themselves. It wasn’t hard to notice. Even in the closest of friend groups, every member had their little struggles with life that the others weren’t even aware of.
He stayed at home and figured out how
Even tho this place was sometimes a living hell, some had learned to call it home, one of them was called Sirius Black, a member of the noble Black family. A member, or an ex-member, it had been a long time since a stain that could be identified as a cigarette burn had appeared on his portrait in the oh-so-long family tree tapestry on the wall. Hogwarts had become his home, apart from the Potter’s house, the only place he could be without wanting to die, or so he thought.
To will himself out of existence
Tonight, the hollow space next to him in his bed was proof of his recklessness and immature behavior, everything was his fault, it all spiraled out of control because of him, because of his stupid, reckless prank. He couldn’t sleep. Usually, Remus was here to reassure him, to make him feel like a less horrible person, but tonight, on this cold night in November 1975, his lover wasn’t here, and he probably wouldn’t ever be again. Sirius had fucked it up, he most likely had lost his 3 best friends, and any ounce of respect Severus had still for him if that ever happened. He was conscious that, if regret could kill, sending the latter to the Shrieking Shack just to “give a good fright”, would be the blade that would’ve put an end to his miserable life. What if James hadn’t been here? What if Remus had accidentally killed Snape? What would’ve happened if someone had been injured? He couldn’t think straight, his thoughts forming monsters ready to devour him in guilt as if they weren’t already doing it. It’s been a week, two maybe, since Remus talked to him, he deserved it, certainly, but this unusual loneliness he was feeling had made him relapse into the darkest of his old habits.
He gave it a try
2 am, common room of the Gryffindor tower, his eyes staring directly into the firepit, he was bleeding, metaphorically and literally, he somehow had found broken glass sharp enough to replicate the sorrow of his soul to his body, something he hadn’t been doing since he stopped going back to 12 Grimmauld Place for holidays, only going back for a month and a half in July.
And here he was, doing it again.
He closed his eyes
Each time he closed his eyes, the look on his best friend’s face replayed, the rage, the devastation, the betrayal, the pain, the fear, the resentment radiating out of them as Remus last spoke to Sirius.
“Do we even know each other, Black ?”
He didn't know how it'd feel
The blood running from his heart to his wrist, slowly dropping onto the already red carpet of the common room, it felt wrong, so wrong, but he never felt that good. It felt like he finally understood the pain he was causing around him, felt like the piece of shattered glasses was only an embodiment of every mistake he had ever made, a reminder of how low he had fallen into the delusion that he was on top of this world.
He just hoped that it wouldn't hurt
Tears started to overflow his eyes, slowly running on his cheek, he wished Remus was there to wipe them, but he wasn’t, and James wasn’t either, even his little brother wouldn’t be anymore, having it made very clear that he didn’t want to talk to Sirius anymore. It hurt, it hurt so bad, he started regretting, maybe it wasn’t a good idea, he was being reckless once again, but he couldn’t help it, he needed to bleed as much as his soul had shattered. He wanted to end it, what was the point of living if everything he ever touched would be destroyed and turn to ashes.
It almost worked
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