any suggestions to help w/ my attachment issues?

why did you break up and why do you claim it was your fault? if you don’t mind me asking 

@sonar

Our relationship was growing more toxic by the minute and i was feeling super stressed out with things an he was sometimes a really negative person. ) He was having these spurts where he would say some fucked up shit to me and then a couple hours later pretend nothing happened. It felt like he was gaslighting me without even knowing he was gaslighting me. It got to the point i felt trapped and the only way to get out was breaking up with him. Before things had turned sour he was the most caring and nicest person to me and the one who got me through my depression (And suicidal thoughts). After we broke up the last time, i slowly but surely felt it coming back. It feels like nobody can compare to him anymore and i just miss his love. 

He hates me because of how i ended things basically, He had told me he thought things were gonna get better right before i hit him with it. I had thought the best way was to be blunt with it and we broke up then and there and he was clearly upset by it. (Also looking back at it was a horrible excuse for a break up) He was definently still my best friend while we were dating like he was the only person i wanted to talk to. I have bad attachment issues for him like i would feel upset anytime he ignored me and i would feel like im the problem so i thought things would be better if we stayed friends. Anyways maybe about 3 weeks after we broke up (Mistake #2 of mine) I  thought he would have been over it by then and i texted him... and holy shit he was mad at me. I had told him i wanted to stay friends and all of that and i'd give him space if he'd ask for it but he kept bitching to me after i apologized to him i dont know how many times. He ended upjust totally going off on me and maybe after 2 weeks he told me he didnt want to talk to me anymore and i got pised and blocked him. And thats where that kind of hate for him i had started. I really do hate him trust me but after a couple months of being with my latest girlfriend i started really thinking about him. Kinda ironic a couple days before his birthday.

I really do know i need to move on but the scar i have for him is so deep that it just feels like its making everything so dull for me. I dont know if you could relate but that's most of the story.

In all honesty, I had a similar relationship happen like this. They were amazing, and losing them hurt everything. I still miss them to this day, and funnily enough their birthday just recently passed, and I almost left an anonymous gift in their mailbox. When we first broke up, it was 2 years ago and it took me forever to be able to move on and grow from them. It still didn't stop me from missing them completely, but the pain started to fade, slowly over time. And eventually, so has missing them. I doubt you'll be able to forget them entirely, and maybe that's a good thing, but I do know eventually things will fade. I wish you the best going forward, and I'm sure if you just work on improving yourself, you'll feel better eventually :] 

@Cone.Unknown

Thank you though and im glad to know that it's normal to feel this way about him. I just feel upset and i really do know that it'll be there but fade a bit and its just a lost cause. I really fucked up and i just wish i got some closure. Ironic but i ended up  texting my friend thats still in contact with him and told he to wish him happy birthday for me even though i know he doesnt like me at all. I just want him to know, however he takes it that'll always love him really. Thank you though i really needed it.

I can only imagine how hard this must be, carrying all those feelings and memories around. Sometimes, the silence after something like that hits way harder than expected. The feeling of missing someone, even when things weren’t perfect, can be overwhelming, and it’s okay to let yourself feel it. It’s completely normal for the heart to struggle with letting go, especially when the connection felt real and deep. Healing takes time, and there’s no rush to "move on" or force yourself to feel differently just because it’s been months. Give yourself the space to grieve and to remember what was meaningful, even if it’s bittersweet. You deserve to feel all of it without shame. Life has a funny way of bringing us to the place we need to be, but that doesn’t mean the process isn’t painful. It’s okay to feel like everything is bland for now, sometimes that’s just a part of finding your way back to a place where things feel bright again. Keep your head up mama 🩷🩷

attachment through negative emotions hurts you even in the long run. you said it yourself, you’re feeling dull. i don’t know what to say about your current relationship, but some people would say that you’re only gonna feel right with someone as turbulent as your ex. 

I, myself, experienced this love out of mistreatment. i still miss my ex despite her treating me badly in the last months too.