my favourite game: is it just the autism or do I need to confront some things?

Ik I dont have a lot of friends so that kinda makes things harder but its starting to occur to me i dont know what attraction really feels like. physical attractiveness is out of the question as far as men go bc well men at all are just kinda ( >︹<) sometimes they look ok but i feel more like a modelling scout or a casting director than someone looking for a bf. it feels less like that with women but still not quite it; i think women of all sorts are real pretty and i like to watch them go by either irl or on socials. sex as a concept is weird too, like it just seems obligatory more than anything. then again im a virgin so what would i know?

and that's not even beginning to touch where i fall with gender. theres maybe two things total i can consider "female": using the womens restroom and wearing womens sizes, but even then womens sizes are stitched differently so they'll fit on me better according to my mom. even so i had a whole guy persona as a "just in case" scenario; his name's toby, he's a photographer and he looks like a mix of Paul Dano and Jamie Campbell Bower. whenever i think of him he's slow dancing in an old library with one of my old friends from high school.

its all in the air at the moment tho, there's so much uni homework these days and barely time to think about these things. i'd tell my therapist but he keeps redirecting it to school stuff so that's not helpful