[TRIGGER WARNING]
I never was into venting to strangers online, but with this account, I think I can do it.
I'm not sure what's going on. I'm happy, but also not happy, with my partner. We have been together for 5 years, and we went through a lot together.
I was gr00med(not sure if I can call it that, since we were both minors at the time) by a 15-year-old guy when I was 13, and that guy was threatening my partner into not doing anything despite knowing what was going on. It was happening all year. After that, my partner said their mental health was so destroyed by that incident that they started to struggle with depression. During their struggle with depression, they lashed out at me pretty often. I was 15, if I remember correctly, at the time. It also was happening all year, until I started to ghost them because I had enough.
They came back, telling me they are now better, and they, well, are better. Yet, I can't move on. They tell me that they changed and they can't change the past. And I know that, lol. I tried to break up with them quite few times, but they always somehow stop me, it's easier said than done in this situation.
They promised that we'll go for some psychologist consultation for couples, but we never did.
Now I just don't get what's wrong with me. When we met, I cling to them, but when we are away, I start to doubt everything. Maybe I am the problem??