LIFE AND DREAD

NO MATTER HOW GOOD MY DAYS BEEN GOING THERE'S ALWAYS A PAST AND A FUTURE THAT HAUNTS ME, FILLS MY VERY VOID WITH DREAD

DREAD THAT FEELS LIKE A PIERCING KNIFE CONSTANTLY DRAGGING THROUGH MY GUTS, DREAD THAT MAKES ME SUFFOCATE WITHIN THE CONFINES OF MY OWN FLESH, 

DREAD THAT FEELS LIKE A PUCH TO THE GUTS, DREAD THAT PLUNGES OUT BLOOD FROM WITHIN UNTIL I'M NOTHING BUT DISCARDED PIECES OF GLASS

I CAN NOT BE LOVED, OR WANT TO LOVE, BECAUSE IN THE END BOTH WILL BE HURT

TELL ME MY HEART, AM I THE ONE WHO'S BEEN RUINING LIFE FOR MYSELF? AM I THE ONE WHO'S WASTING MY YOUNG YEARS LIVING WITHIN THE FOUR WALLS OF MY ROOM BECAUSE I FEEL TRAPPED WITH PEOPLE? 

OR AM I JUST A KID..AM I A BAD PERSON, OR AM I MAKING DUMB DECISIONS LIKE OTHER KIDS, AM I A SINNER, AM I A FOOL, WHAT AM ? AND WHY DO I MATTER?