experiences with fps? <3

no because i totally feel this except mine are very short lived. my favorite person changes at least every couple months but it's usually with a person that i have just met and don't know well, making the outcome shitty fr. masking the overthinking is what's most comfy for me too but makes things more painful for me tbh. i be feeling like i am too much or embarrassing with how enthusiastic or clingy i am with that person but i've slowly learned to accept that if they aren't giving me their time or energy, they not really worth the struggle. not easy tho bc i get attached n cling real quick :/ think it comes down to finding self dependence bc people will never give what we wish they would. figuring out that bpd comes with alot of hard pills to swallow blegh. just know you're not alone with the favorite person struggle xo

i was diagnosed like 2 months ago after an ER visit and then i moved away, so i haven't been in real therapy at all. but i see the things i do that make relationships harder, and i work *hard* to manage those.

i'm aromantic but i didn't always know that so la dee da here we go

my first serious romantic partner totally took advantage of me. they isolated me from my friends and treated me like shite, but what wouldn't you put up with for your lover, right? especially if they put ideas in your head, because who wouldn't believe and trust their own partner? ugh, 'nuff said.

my next was pretty much the first person to treat me normally afterwards. we also got quite close. eventually, though i tried hard not to, i made mistakes; he pretended to forgive me and started insulting me under his breath, and after a while of me ignoring that (i got super angry! but usually it felt more comfortable blaming myself than realising that he's literally an asshole - something i only rly seem to do for FPs), we ghosted each other.

my current bff came along around that time, and he's sincerely the best person ever and everyone could benefit from meeting him. we've known each other for just over two years now, and he has been the most accommodating and loving person i've ever had the privilege of meeting, and i do everything to be that person for him too. he has taught me so much and made me a better person.

but let's not forget that this started 2 years ago when we were strangers and i learned just about two things about him and my brain immediately decided i should try to become his friend ASAP. since we're both students, what i did was find excuses to sit near him, and then yapp his ear off until he opened up and started yapping back and inviting me to stuff. i'm just lucky he wasn't an asshole.

i think what helps is that he kind of understands. one thing he has talked about is how people keep appearances and feel better about themselves by saying "support the mentally ill!", but when they actually encounter (for example) someone who hasn't showered in weeks due to depression, they will quickly judge them and blame them instead of being normal about it. being aware of that defo makes it easier to show *real* support, whatever that looks like for us

what pretty much all my FPs have told me, it's that they don't normally trust people very quickly, yet they became my friend *very fast*. maybe i was born with it, maybe it's bordercollie B')

obvi there are details (and other people) i didn't get into but that's the jist of it for me! and if B') doesn't sum up the experience, i don't think anything can. except maybe ✌️ and a bathroom haircut at 3am ✨