favorite quote that has impacted your life

"Your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing." by Fyodor Dostoevsky, Crime and Punishment.

This quote lives in me, like a quiet accusation I can’t escape. It feels as though Dostoevsky himself reached into my life, saw the moments when I shattered my own reflection, and wrote it down for the world to see. I’ve torn myself apart in ways no one else could. When I’m overwhelmed—when the weight of everything crashes into me and the noise in my head won’t stop—I sabotage myself. I lash out at the one person I should protect: me. It’s not deliberate; it’s desperation. I drown out the chaos by creating more of it, feeding into the very thing I’m trying to escape. I don’t just hurt—I ensure the pain leaves scars. I break routines that keep me sane, neglect what matters, and spiral into self-destruction, knowing it leads nowhere. And when the storm clears, when the world feels a little quieter, I look back at the wreckage and ask myself why. Why did I betray my own heart, my own mind, for nothing? This quote resonates because it holds a mirror to my actions and forces me to confront the truth I avoid: I deserve better—from the world, yes, but more importantly, from myself.

I'm a sucker for video games quotes, there's slight NITW spoilers ahead!!

"So I believe in a universe that doesn't care and people who do." - Angus

Angus has gone through a lot of shit, some I can relate to and some that I don't. But his hurt and his coping with said hurt resonates with me. I've never believed in a greater beyond, of any kind. The universe is vast and cold and in the grand scheme it doesn't matter that bad things happened to you. But humans are funny little creatures who find comfort in other little creatures. For me, that quote tells me that even if the universe doesn't care, I can and should, and I want to believe I'm not alone in that. There's some very bitter reality that comforts me in that quote, cause it's how I've always seen it, but that doesn't change the fact that Angus still believes those who show they care.

"We accept the love we think we deserve"

From reading and watching Perks of Being a Wallflower it has always stuck with me. Young people grow up in such a way of an image to be shown that what they get is everything they deserve. If there is no motivational speech of reaching out for things greater, a person will simply accept everything around them is the best they can get. Which at times can be comforting and supportive if it is a good environment, however that's not the case most of the time.

To accept the love our mind thinks we deserve is all short of the bare minimum. Overcoming that barrier to say to yourself "No I deserve better" is the greatest character development a soul can achieve. Every person gets there eventually, or they don't, but it is foolish for people to speak these words of what you think is what you get - rather than what you do more than think of is truly the deepest desire. Everyone deserves a chance of good love and spawning upon them it is their duty in such difficulty to accept that the greater feeling before them is so much more than what their mind is convincing them through their current environment. 

'Sharp edges have consequences, I guess I had to find out for myself. Sharp edges have consequences, now every scar is a story I can tell.' - Chester Bennington of Linkin Park, 2017 - Sharp Edges (One More Light)

Miss you Chaz, always will. LP<3

my life isn't exactly the happiest as isn't most people's, but I resonate with a lot of linkin Park's material purely because I can definitely relate to the lyrics and energy in most of their songs. The pain and hardship Chester went through, albeit different drastically to my own, is still a pain that shouldn't be overlooked. He was and is my idol, and on top of it he's my inspiration and guidance to improving myself.. just wish he knew how much more he was worth.