Being Transgender is hard

TW: TRANSPHOBIA, HOMOPHOBIA AND S*ICIDAL URGES

Hey, I recently came out to my friends (at the age of 17, my current age) and they all accepted me. My sister also accepted me as who I am. But I'm dead terrified to come out to my parents. My mother is very religious and openly transphobic and homophobic and she is a very difficult person to talk to. 

Idk I just don't have much people to share my thoughts with, and sharing my vulnerable side with strangers that don't know me at all sounds more safe than coming out to my mother.

I'm aware that I will never be able to get a top surgery nor T, and it just drains me so much. Maybe one day I'll change my country, change my identity and everything and just leave it all behind. Then, I'll be able to be who I really am.

I'll just keep on dreaming!! Lolz