The barney trilogy

(please note this is the prequel to once upon a time)

The Barney Trilogy: Part one

Once upon a time, there was Barneyland. A place where all the dinosaurs lived together in harmony. 

One of those dinosaurs was Barney. 

A small child who loved playing outside with his friends Baby Bop, Riff and his brother Blarney. Barney and Blarney lived together with their parents. But They always seemed to love Barney more..

Barney had the better grades, was better in sport and had more friends. 

Barney was their favorite child. 

Blarney didn’t like this, he felt left behind.

And so Blarney’s villain arc began. 

He started to become more mean to Barney and their parents. Eventually when he became an adult and left home he said: ‘You are the worst parents in the world, but I will show all of you! I will show you I am better than Barney!!’ 

Then he drove away into the sunset in his purple lemon car and left Barneyland.

While his parents didn’t even care about Blarney’s threats, Barney was very concerned. 

And looking back he had every right to be…

Years passed and Barney became a successful businessman. He was very rich and had his own themed cereal. He was living his best life in his giant neon mansion, surrounded by his servants who granted his every wish. 

One day Barney saw an article in the newspaper, it said that a new dangerous criminal had been spotted and was heading towards Barneyland. Barney already didn’t have a good feeling about it, but then suddenly the water on his desk started shaking.

He looked out of his window and saw a GIANT ARMY marching towards his mansion. 

Now the entire ground was shaking because of the army. There were thousands of purple dinosaurs. They all looked a lot like Blarney..

Then Barney saw the actual Blarney marching in front of the army. He was carrying a giant gun and a bunch of grenades. He then threw a grenade at the locked door of the mansion. It exploded and he and his army stormed in. 

‘I need to get out of here!’ Barney said. Together with his two most loyal servants: Perry the Platypus and Puss in Boots, he jumped out of his window and ran away. Blarney saw him escape and started chasing him. 

‘YoU cAn’T EsCaPe MEeEeEEe!’ Blarney yelled. He sounded completely insane. 

Perry the Platypus threw a smoke bomb at Blarney to give them cover. While Blarney was distracted they escaped into the sewer system. 

‘Who was that crazy guy?’ Puss in Boots asked. ‘That was Blarney, my long lost brother.’ Barney said, ‘the thing I’m not sure about is how he got that army of dinosaurs who look just like him’. ‘It doesn’t matter,’ Puss said, ‘we escaped and that’s all that counts’. 

‘Maybe,’ Barney answered, ‘but I have a feeling this isn’t the last we’ll see of Blarney… 

And soon enough a week later, when Barney was back in his mansion, Blarney and his army returned. This time Barney wasn’t running away. He was prepared to face Blarney.

Before Blarney even reached the house Barney jumped out of his window again and stood before his brother. ‘Why are you doing this?’ he asked ‘and where did you get this army?’. 

‘The answer to both is simple’ Blarney replied ‘I’m doing this because you and I both know our parents didn’t love me, you were always the favorite child. So now I will take over the world to prove them wrong!’ ‘And as for my army, I just made them with my CLONE MACHINE.’ 

‘You have a clone machine??’ Barney exclaimed ‘Yes I do, I’m smarter than you think, BITCH’ Blarney said. And then Blarney SHOT Barney at point-blank range with his bomb. Thankfully Perry the Platypus managed to kick the bomb away just in time and they ran away. 

They jumped on the heads of the clone soldiers and flew away in Barney’s pink elephant helicopter. ‘We aren’t safe in my mansion anymore," Barney said. And so they left town and went to Barney’s secret emergency BUNKER. ‘We need a plan’ Puss in Boots said, ‘I have one’ Barney said.

The next night Barney and his servants went to Blarney’s lair. It was a massive purple castle, surrounded by his clones. But the clones were all pretty dumb, and they managed to sneak by them quite easily. The gang then went into Blarney’s secret basement, and there they found it. A massive metal orb with steam coming out of it. ‘This must be his clone machine’. Barney said. And so Barney replaced Blarney’s DNA samples with his own. He cut a little bit of his skin and put it into the machine. And then a massive army of Barney clones arose from out of the machine. 

‘Now we both have an army, it’s time to stop that maniac’. Barney said.

The Barney Trilogy: Part 2

Barney was ready for revenge. He now had his own giant pink castle and army of clones. With Perry and Puss by his side he was planning the attack on Blarney. But he was TOO LATE. Blarney and his army were on they’re way to Barney’s castle. And on the way they had already conquered half of Barneyland. In Barney’s castle one of his clones reported to Barney to bring the news: ‘Your supreme Barneyness, Blarney and his army have conquered the land and are about to attack the castle!’ Barney answered: ‘Then prepare the army and attack!!’.

And so, when Blarney reached his brother’s castle, he and his clones stood before Barney and his own clones. Barney and Blarney both screamed: ‘ATTACK!!!’ and the epic battle began. There was mass slaughter, screams of the undead and explosions everywhere. 

Unfortunately, Blarney’s army was stronger and Barney’s clones were slowly dying one by one. But then Barney suddenly ASCENDED into the sky. ‘What’s he doing?’ Blarney gasped. 

‘He awakened the ancient power..’ Puss said. 

Barney was high in the sky, he was glowing and his eyes were bright orange. ‘LEAVE OR I WILL DESTROY YOU’ He said in a powerful scary voice. Blarney didn’t know what to do, but he didn’t just want to leave. ‘Make me!’ He said. 

Then Barney suddenly got LASER EYES and started destroying Blarney’s army. ‘Retreat!!’ Blarney yelled and he and the remains of his army ran away. 

Barney slowly descended back to the ground and collapsed. Puss and Perry ran over to him.

‘Are you okay?’ they asked and Barney said he was fine. ‘They’re gone for now. We have more time to think of a plan to stop Blarney for good.’ he said.  ‘Can’t you just.. ascend again?’ Puss asked but Barney shook his head. ‘I don’t know where that power came from, but using it almost killed me, I have no control over it and it’s very dangerous. Let’s just head back to the castle and make some more clones for now.’ 

Blarney too went back to his castle. He had failed to defeat Barney, but the parts of Barneyland he conquered on the way were still his domain. He decided to name his new empire Blarnia. In honour of him and his actions. He too went back to his castle and made more clones, but Blarney also decided to make more scientific machines in his lab. 

And so now there were Barneyland and Blarnia, where the dinosaurs definitely didn’t live in harmony.

Barney had more clones than people on earth and was confident he could take Blarney this time. Blarney however had more evil and ambitious plans then Barney could’ve ever imagined.

A week or so after the battle, Blarney and a small group of his clones left the castle. They travelled to the very edge of the continent, where they stood on a cliff at sea. Blarney had a new weapon with him: a PORTAL MAKER. With this new tool Blarney could open a portal to another dimension. So he opened the portal to something called: ‘The Super Dimension’ and walked in with his clones. Once they were through the portal they were greeted by an endless void filled with floating rocks. Strange beings were flying across the sky, but Blarney couldn’t make out what they were from here.

‘Onwards, my clones,’ Blarney said and they marched further into the strange void. 

They jumped across the floating rocks and eventually Blarney managed to shoot one of the flying creatures out of the sky with his gun. It fell down and crashed at his feet. Now Blarney could examine the being. Weird.. It looked like a regular dinosaur from Barneyland, but it GLOWED. And it had spikes and was bigger and stronger than a regular dinosaur. 

‘Who and what are you?’ Blarney asked. ‘We are the SUPERBARNEYS’ the being replied.

‘So it can speak…’ Blarney said. ‘Of course i can speak, you dumbass! What do you want from us?’ The superbarney said. Blarney replied: ‘You seem very powerful. Show me what you can do.’ And so the suberbarney flew into the sky. It could do incredible things, it’s eyes were lasers, it spewed fire and LighTniNgBoLts shot from its fingertips. ‘We can use them..’ Blarney said. ‘I will be unstoppable with them by my side. And so without hesitation Blarney straight up got his gun and SHOT A BUNCH OF SUPERBARNEYS OUT OF THE SKY. They all fell down and his clones collected them. They dragged them through the portal and into the regular dimension. ‘Watch out Barney,’  Blarney said with a grin on his face ‘Here we come’.

But what Blarney didn’t know was that one of his clones was secretly WORKING FOR BARNEY. It saw everything and immediately told Barney the news. ‘Blarney is getting more powerful than I could ever imagine. We will fight fire with fire.’ Barney said. 

So Barney went to the portal (that Blarney forgot to close) and entered the Superbarney dimension. He climbed onto the highest rock and yelled: ‘All remaining Superbarneys, please listen. My brother Blarney is an irredeemable monster and needs to be stopped. He has already taken some of your brothers and sisters. If you join me we can defeat him together!’. The Superbarneys flew over to Barney. The one in front said: ‘You might not realize it, but you are just like your brother. You want to USE us for war, but we won’t just let that happen. It’s time WE fought for ourselves and ENDED your pathetic dimension!!’ 

And then all the Superbarneys flew out of the portal and started attacking anything that moved. ‘What have we done..’ Barney said.

A week had passed. The superbarneys were on an unstoppable rampage and had killed almost half of the dinosaurs of Barneyland and Blarnia. 

Blarney stood before his brother’s pink castle. Alone. 

Barney descended from his tower to talk to his brother.

‘What are you doing here?’ Barney asked angrily. ‘I wanted to stop this madness,’ Blarney replied, ‘I now see that I was in the wrong. I want to make it up to you. Let’s move on and live happily again.’ 

Barney was surprised: ‘Do you really want that?’ he asked. ‘Yes, come brother. Let us end this.’  Blarney said. 

And so Barney walked over to Blarney and for the first time in many years, they hugged.

Then Blarney said ‘SIKE BITCH’ and STABBED BARNEY IN THE BACK with a knife he was hiding.  Then he pressed a button which launched a GIANT NUKE to Barneyland. Blarney drove away as fast as he could in his purple lemon car and went back to Blarnia. BUT it turns out the nuke was made BIGGER than he wanted it to. And so the nuke didn’t just destroy Barneyland, it destroyed the ENTIRE WORLD. 

Kaboom.

The Barney Trilogy: Part 3

Barneyland, 500 years later. 

Nothing but a few walls of the once great castles were left. Completely overgrown with plants. In the wasteland only a few small mice and insects lived. It was a seemingly endless land of rubble and despair. 

BUT NOT QUITE.

Amidst the rocks and half-dead forests a small community was thriving. A community of DINOSAURS.  You see 500 years ago, when Blarney nuked the world, 5 families of dinosaurs survived. They were astronauts on a space vacation. When they landed back on earth they were shocked. They didn’t know where everyone went, but eventually accepted this was their new life. They lived with what they had and managed to get by. Unfortunately, they eventually split up. You see two of the families were Blarney supporters, and the other 3 were on Barneys side. The Blarney allies left the group and settled somewhere else, in the ruins of Blarnia. For the rest of the 500 years, they never heard from or saw each other again.

The Barney allies now had their own entire village. In this village lived Jo. Jo was a very adventurous pink dinosaur who wanted to explore the world, but her parents said she wasn’t allowed to. She didn’t understand why, but accepted it nonetheless. Until today.

In the books she read, written by her ancestors, she learned about how wonderful the world used to be, and wanted to see if anything of that world remained. 

And so she left her home at night and embarked on her journey.

She left Barney Village and ran into the forest. She didn’t find much at first, but then she saw something massive. A giant orb made of metal, rusting in the moonlight. ‘What is this..’ Jo wondered. She walked closer and saw it had the words Clone Machine written on it. ‘So this is where the legendary Barney Cloned his army..’ she said. As Jo kept walking, she got more and more tired. Eventually she found a place to rest, in what used to be the dining hall of Barney’s castle. 

When Jo woke up she was shocked to see a figure standing beside her. ‘Ah! Who are you? Where did you come from?’ Jo asked, frightened. She now saw the figure was: a purple dinosaur. ‘I’ve come from Blarney village. My name is JO.’ he said. ‘What?? My name’s Jo too!’ Jo said.  ‘Wow! That’s crazy. So where are you from? I don’t recognize you from Blarney village.’ (purple) Jo said. ‘No, I’m from Barney village. And I’ll be honest.. People in my village have told me you people are evil monsters.’ (pink) Jo said. ‘That’s what my people said about you,’ (purple) Jo said ‘but you don’t seem like a bad person.’ ‘You don’t either.’ Jo replied. ‘You know what, I think we were destined to meet each other. Let’s go explore this place together!’ ‘Sure! I’ve got nothing better to do,’ Jo said. And so Jo and Jo adventured through the ruins together. 

A day later, Jo stumbled upon something. ‘Hey Jo, check this out!’ Jo said to Jo. Jo was holding an old metal plate with a symbol on it. ‘What is it?’ Jo asked. ‘I’m not sure,’ Jo said. ‘Look at what it says on it,’ They examined the plate and saw that it read: Summoning. ‘What the heck, who does this summon?’ Jo asked.  ‘MeEeEe…’  they suddenly heard a mysterious voice echo through the sky. ‘What? Who’s there?’ Jo yelled. 

‘I am the spirit of BLARNEY. If you revive me we can rebuild this world together…’ The voice replied. 

‘Blarney.. You mean THE great Blarney?’ Jo asked. ‘I don’t know..’ the other Jo said ‘My people told me Blarney wasn’t a good person. Maybe bringing him back isn’t a great idea..’

‘Yes it is!!’ Jo said ‘Didn’t you hear him? He’ll help us rebuild this world! We have to try!’

Before Jo could reply suddenly an arrow shot past their heads. They turned around and saw two figures standing on the horizon. As they walked closer they saw that they were very strange looking creatures. ‘Who are you two?’ Jo asked. The smaller of the two replied:

‘We are Psyduck and Snorlax, and we demand you let go of that plate immediately!!’ 

‘Maybe we should listen to them, Jo’ Jo said. ‘No!!’ Jo yelled ‘We need to bring Blarney back!’ Then Jo suddenly ran away into a forest. Jo, Psyduck and Snorlax chased him but were too slow and lost him. ‘We need to stop him, you have no idea what will happen when Blarney is summoned.’ Psyduck said.

Meanwhile Jo was hiding behind a rock. ‘Blarney, are you there?’ he asked. ‘YeEeSsSs’ Blarney’s ghostly voice answered. ‘How do I summon you?’ Jo asked. Blarney’s voice echoed a reply: ‘You must take me to my castle, it’s toward the east!’

And so Jo ran away to the east of the continent. Eventually he made it to the ruins of Blarney’s castle. ‘Were here, Blarney!’ He said. ‘GrEaTtTt’ Blarney said ‘NoW pLaCe Me iN tHe MidDLe oF tHe rUiNs.’ Blarney siad. Jo placed the plate in the middle of the ruins and suddenly it started GLOWING. Then the plate ascended into the air and EXPLODED in purple smoke. Jo fell to the ground and looked up to see Blarney emerge from the fog. 

‘Yes!! I have been revived!!’ Blarney said. 

Jo, Psyduck and Snorlax ran into the ruins. ‘No! We need to kill him now!!’ Psyduck said. 

‘SILENCE YOU STUPID DUCK’ Blarney said and then he KILLED Psyduck with his laser eyes. ‘NO!!! Snorlax yelled but then he too was killed by Blarney. 

Jo ran over to Jo to try and stop him. ‘Please, Jo. Clearly Blarney is insane. We need to stop him!’ She said, Jo agreed: ‘I’m sorry. I just thought he could make this world better, but he’s only going to make it worse.’ 

‘How do we stop him?’ Jo asked. ‘I think if we just find the plate and place it back in the middle he should disappear again.’ Jo said. Jo and Jo ran over to the middle of the ruins. Blarney tried to stop them with his laser eyes but they dodged his attacks. Jo grabbed the plate and placed it in the centre. It worked! Blarney was slowly getting sucked back into the plate. ‘NOOO YOU CAN’T DEFEAT MEEEE!!’ He screamed. Then before he was completely sucked in he suddenly fired his laser eyes at Jo. Jo tried to run away but his foot was STUCK under a rock. Jo watched as Jo got destroyed by the laser. 

Blarney grabbed the plate and threw it at a wall. The plate was destroyed. 

‘No…’ Jo said. She didn’t know what to do. There was no way she could defeat Blarney. 

Blarney flew over to her and got his laser eyes ready to fire. But 0.001 second before he killed Jo, he was suddenly TACKLED TO THE GROUND. Blarney looked up in fear and saw BARNEY’S ghost standing over him. ‘I’m going to end you for GOOD.’ He said. Barney gathered a bunch of items that seemingly came out of nowhere and placed them in a circle. 

He then sang his theme song and Blarney got sucked into the circle. ‘NOOOO!! I WILL RISE AGIANN!!!’ Blarney squealed as he disappeared into the circle. 

It was over. Blarney was gone.

Barney walked over to Jo, who had been watching, too stunned to speak. 

‘What even-’ she said but Barney stopped her: ‘These things are beyond your comprehension, all you need to know is that Blarney has been defeated. I also have my own revival plate here, so you can revive me. But only if you want…’ 

‘Of course I’ll revive you!’ Jo said and she placed his plate in the middle of the circle. 

Barney ascended through the pink mist and was revived. 

‘Thank you.’ he said to Jo.

‘I should be thanking you, Barney,’ Jo said, ‘but what are you going to do now?’ 

‘I’m going to find the only person who can restore this world to its former glory.’ he said and then he ran off into the forest. Jo had no idea what was going on or what she should do now.

She had no idea where her village was from here, so she decided to wait for Barney’s return.

A few hours later Barney came back with a summoning plate, but this one was way bigger than his or Blarney’s. ‘Who are we going to summon?’ Jo asked.

‘Someone I should’ve summoned a long time ago.’ Barney said.

He placed the plate on the ground in a circle surrounded by a bunch of metal parts he collected on the way. He then spoke in a strange, forgotten language. 

Out of the circle a new being emerged. She was human. She had strange clothes and a pointy hat. ‘FINALLY AFTER 10 000 YEARS I’M FREE! TIME TO CONQUER EARTH’. 

She said. 

‘Who is that??’ Jo asked Barney. Barney answered: ‘Her name is Rita Repulsa, she will restore this world.’ 

Rita Repulsa rose into the sky and magically created a bunch of rivers, towns and other landscapes. She made a new world that would slowly grow and thrive in a new age.

The next day Barney was alone. He walked to a strange machine. It was some sort of box. He stepped into it. Strange noises came from the box. When Barney walked out he was suddenly a teenager. He went to a high school where he would live his new life. One day at that school he saw someone named Barbie.