I don't get the appeal of being in a relationship

loving another is an alien topic to me. the thought of being close, or intimate with another living being disgusts me. I have strong views on how one person could possibly 'love' another. I probably sound like a total incel right now, but it just doesn't appeal to me. I've never gotten close enough to someone to feel I genuinely 'love' them. some people have told me they think i'm like this because of sexual trauma, which I can assure its not. yes, I've dated, but that was never truly something on my part, something I got pressured, or forced into.

i'm a mess of a human being, and I couldn't possibly imagine someone loving the bag of bones that is myself. i'm not like this because "mommy didn't love me enough". no, I chose to be this way, and think this way because I think it's healthier to keep me to, well, myself. I always hear people whining about how their boyfriends or girlfriends broke up with them, and I almost feel better about myself for being like this. an ego boost of sorts.

I'd like to know if there are people who think the same as I.