i js cant

i can't do this. too many people have died recently. I'm tempted to join them. i won't but I think about it. i can't even cry like a normal person, am I even human anymore? i don't feel like one. i don't even know who I am anymore. i show people what they want to see: I've always done it ever since I was little. to the point of feeling empty when I'm alone, I crave attention, I crave love. waking up is painful. my head is loud. i want it all to stop. just for a second. i want it to be quiet