Calling all lgbtq members for help!

Question

I really need some help, so please read this!!

Hi, I’m Bella. My family is religious, and so am I. My family taught me from the start that lgbtq+ is wrong according to the Bible. I went with this for a while before I found out about how many verses are mistranslated, you’d be surprised. My dad and my mom don’t like lgbtq+ at all. I don’t wanna come out to them for my safety, but I want to know if anyone has any ideas how I can express myself as apart of lgbtq+ while also staying undercover from my parents.

Thank you if you respond.

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It sounds like you have a few things figured out :) it's absolutely true that it isn't wrong to be LGBTQ+, and you're very smart for thinking of your own safety. Many LGBTQ+ kids struggle with coming from a religious background, especially living under the roofs and rules of fearful parents - you're definitely not alone in that.

Many people use their religion to justify being hateful towards groups of people they don't like, and unfortunately many people get swept up in those ideas and live their lives this way. It's easy for people to read the bible and interpret the verses in a way that supports their specific (often bigoted) beliefs. I'm sorry you're being impacted by it so directly. The phrase we hear so often, "don't take the lord's name in vain" was originally supposed to mean something like "don't use the lord's name (or religion) to justify cruelty", which is not often how it us used today.

It's a very awkward and difficult thing to be at odds with your parents, the people you are relying on on to keep you sheltered, fed and nurtured. For now, as you seem to understand, the most important thing is to stay safe. One day, I hope you will be free to live as your whole self.

To actually answer your question, how much you can express depends on how much awareness your parents have about LGBTQ+ identity and symbols. Do they know what certain pride flags look like? If not, you might be able to incorporate those flags or their colours into your outfits or accessories. Another thing you can probably do, provided you actually have some online privacy (as in, your parents don't watch what you do online), is you can reach out to others on the internet, and hopefully make friends with other LGBTQ+ people who are around your own age. You might find people with similar situations and religious backgrounds to yours. It can be very validating to simply talk to people who have struggles similar to your own. With that said though, please be careful not to give away much personal information to strangers online even if they seem friendly - there are dangerous people who are very good at appearing harmless. This might be stuff you already know but it's worth saying anyway, because it can be easy to forget.

Whatever you do, be very careful, and good luck!

(p.s. it is probably worth learning how to delete your web browser history if you don't already know, parents sometimes like to go checking up on their kids' browsing habits; you can delete LGBTQ+ related stuff you've looked at, to keep them off your trail)

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While I'm not in the exact situation as you, as my family isn't really dangerous to me, I also am not fond of disclosing my sexuality to my family lol.

Similar to what the first reply said, I used to wear a flag pin on my school backpack since my family (and many people in my general area apparently) doesn't know the ace flag lmao and I also had the excuse of just saying I liked the colors because black and white is usually my color scheme for clothes, anyway. Still, it can be a bit risky, unless you are truly sure that your parents don't know about any flags. Despite it being a popular choice, I do think you could probably use the "I just like the colors" excuse for a rainbow pin, unless your parents are really that viciously LGBT+phobic or something. If there's anyone at school that actually talks about you to your parents (friends, teachers, counselors, etc.), I wouldn't recommend this.

There's some artists on various social media that have made subtle flag backgrounds for your phone/desktop/anything else that uses a background! I don't have any links to specific ones but you can easily search for backgrounds on Google or any other search browser. Once again, this relies heavily on your parents not knowing about any/certain pride flags. However, there's some backgrounds that very, very subtle so I'd say this would be a better option than just outright wearing a flag pin, haha. But speaking of pins, there are subtle flag pins as well! I've seen them on Etsy but that's just because I use Etsy a lot ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Depending on your local community and school, you could join any LGBT+ clubs! I imagine the members would be very understanding of your situation and try to help you out :o You could say that you joined a random small club if your school has any (film/anime club, writing club, environmental club, or any club that doesn't involve much work) or that a friend forced you to come with them to a club they had (this is really only believable if you're not planning to become an active member of the club lol....but, like I said, I'm sure you can plan something out with the members once they know of your situation). Once again, though, if you think there's anyone outside of your house who might tell your parents about this, I'd be very cautious u_u

Those are the ideas I have off the top of my head as of right now! Remember, though: your safety is #1 priority! Unfortunately, I don't think there's a way to truly express your identity without having some kind of risk attached to it. I wouldn't blame you at all if you decide to keep your identity a secret to everyone :O Just remember to be careful out there, and good luck! ^-^ <3

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Calling all lgbtq members for help!

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