heartbreak (& love, two sides of the same coin)

man i just think it's so sick, almost truly uncanny, creepy, enough to almost put me off of "love" entirely (except for the fact that i have a loving primary partner who i've been w/ for two years, but i'm poly, and unfortunately most of my other connections have gone this way;), that you can "fall in love" with someone, and it feels so natural, so magical but also so real, and yet, it can just not work out. for the simplest of reasons, or for the most dramatic of reasons - the nature of perspective is such that we can't ever read each other's minds, and a cynical continuation of that thought is we can't ever really trust anyone but ourselves - but either way, it's over. no return (usually). no retracing your steps and amending where you went wrong before it happens. nothing you can do

all these stories we tell each other & ourselves about Love, all the patterns, symbols, nearly occultish concepts, all the emotion, and in the end, it's just chemicals. it's just chemicals and the cold truth that you're "falling in love" because you are an animal looking for chemicals: dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin. you could fall in love with someone who you can't trust to care about you beyond how you care about them, you could be that person for someone else, you could fall out of love with someone who won't do you any harm because how do you know? how could you know? there's nothing you can do to make absolutely sure of anything, nothing you can do