remembering

For the first time in forever, I remember
Your hands squeezing me, thigh
Around my waist, my thighs
Your lips, rough, pressing on mine
The radio playing, only sound
Other than my, perhaps too soft, no

For the first time, out of the blue
I can feel you
Rough, strong, pushing me
Almost like those enquiry
Pushed me to drop everything
To stop fighting

For the first time, I do
If only then I knew
It too late now, you walk free
And I’m still screaming in the void
Silently, in the sky, a plea
Secretly, still destroyed

Oh how I wished I remembered then
Or perhaps never did, ever again
Forgetting that damned futon
Forgetting where your hands laid on
Forgetting that damned song
Forgetting how this all felt wrong

For the first time, I no longer love you
Maybe it’s easier when it’s not just us two
For the first time, I no longer miss you
Maybe it’s easier since I grew
For the first time, I no longer want you
Maybe I’ve finally come through

(Note: rough draft from a few months ago, I'll probably work on it again at some point but when I found it I thought I'd share it so I can have some feedback maybe)