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Critiques for my new book

When I was a kid, my father always told me I was gifted, that I was special, and my presence itself was a gift. I doubt that now, I doubt all of it. crimson liquid trickled from my forearm, my breath short and ragged , my eyes wincing within the moments of silence yet never breaking gaze with mine, I hate myself, I should’ve died, it should’ve been me, maybe the empire would’ve been a better place. But it isn’t and I can’t change that. “What would dad do?” my scars still fresh as water ran down my forearms. Spasms of pain jolted my body, my wrinkled hands salving my arms before finally patting myself dry and leaving.
It’s been fifteen years since my father died, each scar is a reminder of his sacrifice and my immaturity

. ———
“Again?” growled a burly figure, his beard scruffy as his palm gripped my wrist, I winced. “You. You think anyone cares?” He scoffed followed by a chuckle before he shoved my wrist back to me. “What would your father think.” His eyes unfocused , his breath pungent , empty bottle in hand he waved it around in surrender. “You’re lost Darrow, ain’t no one coming to get you.” I wasn’t lost, I just wasn’t recognized. Before my father’s death, my uncle was a solace away from the worries of my father’s busy schedule. Other children grew up fearing their parents leaving, I rather liked it. Though now, it’s like it never was. Caressing my wrist, my jaw clenched. He shuffled for the fridge, his hand grabbing a icy bottle before flopping on the couch, his program blasting as he muttered “Not me, sure ain’t your mom” he tittered “and damn sure not yer daddy, that fool.” My face scrunched, my palms gripped the countertop, my face turned away as he glanced over to assess the damage. “Look at me boy.” Obnoxiously he voiced. With a sigh, I turned to face him. “What?” “What?!” he vociferated “Who do you think puts a roof over your head for you to be talking back to me.” My eyes no longer holding his gaze, he just wanted a fight, it’s like everything was my fault. Sniffing, my wrists ached, his voice irritated me, unbridled rage swayed me. “By the way we’re all out of bottles, be useful and go buy some more.” only turning his head from his holo-cast to flash a belittling grin. I hate him.

. ———

Bloody phlegmy marred our face, my eyes contrasted his fiery gaze. I always imagined we’d die together, Bellona was my brother, the light that remained in this dark world, though now crimson liquid arrives drowning our memories. “You were my brother, why betray the cause?” , my hands gripped cold steel, my finger itching to pull the trigger, yet I wanted to hear his answer, I wanted to know why he would betray me, his brother. “An arrow is supposed to go straight not spiral.” Sardonically, I replied “The winds are unpredictable.” Silence ensued only broken by distant battles across the fleet. Everyone was fighting, everyone believed in this. The cold blaster greeted my scorching emotions, raising it, I aimed for his chest. “Bellona au Cassius, I sentence you to death for the Betrayal of the empire, you die a Traitor.” “I will die honored for my sacrifice.” retorted Bellona, he always had a knack for words. Though that couldn’t save him now. A waft of air left my lungs as I held his gaze, my finger moist in regret and grief. A ear-deafening sound resounded, the now hot metal pulsed my cold skin, as if to comfort my decision. “No! BELLONA!” shrieked a worn voice. It was Lelia, my best friend and his fiancée. Iron scented the air , I refused to turn to Lelia whom stumbled as she lurched for his warm embrace, one that wouldn’t be returned. “He betrayed me.” I weakly croaked out “He betrayed us.” My voice firmer “He betrayed the empire.” I bellowed out, my voice Christ-like as I pleaded my case between her wails. “Death begets death.. begets death.” threads of malice laced her soft voice. Her pupils no longer searched for life, finally she turned her head to me. She now covered in his iron scent, I took a step back , blaster still in hand. “Leila you got to listen to me” my voice low “How can you possible explain this, killing him, he trusted you with his life.” “He was standing in the way of our dream..” “Your dream.” her eyes pierced through my lies. Her words cut like daggers, my hand still moist as I felt the familiar sensation reach back to me, what have I done? Turning my head away, I couldn’t meet her gaze. “Don’t you dare.. don’t you dare regret this!” she vociferated “Don’t you dare think you won’t pay for this, if it’s the last thing I do.” my blood ran cold, my fiery emotions withered as my hands prickled with regret loosened my grip, I did what needed to be done, Leila just can’t see the vision, she will. My eyes formed a grin, her expression turned from anger to disgust.

“You either stand here with me or die here against me.” raising the blaster I aimed in a familiar spot. Despite what had happened, I still need to assume control of the fleet and bring back order. All this time, she never broke my gaze, and this time I sense a reflection of my heart, my own cruelty. I sighed as I lowered my blaster, she was grieving she’ll come around given time. Turning to the leave, the tapping of the my footsteps, distance between has grown irreparably. “This a violation of GISFR, this fleet has yet to be registered for this hyperlane. Stop immediately and interlink with Local Galactic Command, if refusal to abort, nearby fleets will be called to action.” My body tensed, it was finally here. “Proceed for combat engagement!” I barked “Failure is not an option!” I turned my head eying the maze like system of command. Before looking back on deep space, I couldn’t help but notice the lack of fierceness usually depicted from my crew, something was off, was the consequences finally settling in? “Death begets death.” I repeated to myself as I turned my head, I was slowly understanding the meaning albeit internalizing it was another matter in itself. “Darrow! Unknown fleet is approaching from Hyperlane C, we have 10 no 5 minutes before we engage. We’re still 50 clicks from our destination.” “Brace!” I roared, my eyes forward as I watched our railguns pre-heat. The coil buzzed with heat as a deranged smile marred my face. War, this is what I’ve been preparing for, this is what I’ve been desiring to exact the same war I’ve been fighting for years.


. ———

 my schedule- posting once a week every Wednesday

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