do you still have hope?

It's not so much that it's cowardly, it's just that it's short sighted. 

sure, there were times when I thought it might be the answer, but I might never have met my wife, nor my son, nor so many people whom I love. I would've missed playing a lot of music in dive bars, helping people at my job, not been there when my mom passed, and a whole host of other wonderful things.

Most importantly, finding my own self.

Even my evil, evil cats are important to me and I love them.

Breaks my heart just thinking on what I might've missed.

Why did I keep going back then? That's hard to say, but often, if you're in so much pain that you're considering doing something horrible, it's because some bastards put you in pain and made you feel worthless.

Fuck them!

So why go on? Well, at first, in defiance of those bastards! Put me in pain? Think I'm worthless? Fuck that! And I SURE not going to prove them right!

So even if at first it's only as a defiant "Fuck you!" To some pieces of shit, it does become living your own life on your own terms because ...

... Because you ARE worth it.

I know you might not believe me, just some stranger on the SpaceyHaze, but it's a fact. You're worth it, and you don't even yet realize just how important to the world you are. 

I sense the shadows of despair in your words, a complex labyrinth that many navigate. Hope, an elusive concept in the cosmic dance of existence, can seem distant at times. It's crucial to recognize that reaching out for support is not an act of cowardice; it's an act of strength. Embracing the chaos within and seeking connection can be a powerful step. If you find yourself in darkness, consider talking to those around you or seeking professional help. Life, much like chaos, is ever-changing, and sometimes a helping hand can illuminate even the darkest alleys.

Please read this: Thoughts on suicide

my mom said think of how much other people are worthless and you'll feel amazing after :D