Currently Reading

Universal Harvester by John Darnielle, a horror/mystery/thriller novel. I only just started it like two nights ago; I'm about ~40 pages in. Basically, this guy is working at a VHS shop in the late '90s, and all of the sudden these bizarre recordings start to show up on some of the tapes, like someone recorded them over the movies. The videos always in the same dim room in a barnhouse or shed; sometimes featuring a person, standing on one leg, with a sack over her head that is tightly roped around her neck, and other times, featuring a person (or people) squirming under a tarp, a work boot-clad foot emerging from the edge of the frame to bludgeon them under its heel. Sometimes there's no one in the room at all. The timestamp on every whack-ass recording is always "0/00/0000".

So, like, it's interesting as fuck, but OH MY FUCKING GOD, the characters (especially Jeremy, the protagonist) are probably some of the most BORING I have EVER seen. Legit, all the fleshing out we get is "when Sarah was 20, she could remember things, but now that she's 40, she has to write stuff down" and "when Jeremy was 8 he helped his dad change a car tire, and then gained the nickname 'Big Man'." Other than that? NOTHING. If someone were to ask me "Asher R. Lorcans! Asher R. Lorcans! Can you please tell me the different personalities of the characters from Universal Harvester by John Darnielle?" I'd look their goofy ass dead in the eyes and say, "MY BROTHER IN CHRIST WHAT PERSONALITIES DO YOU REFER TO???" Unique, nuanced, deeply-humanlike characters are a MUST for me to enjoy a story, so this grinds my goddamn gears.

The dialogue is also EXTREMELY hollow, and doesn't help with the whole personality-less issue in the damn slightest. Legit, like half of Jeremy's lines are just "Ok." "Yeah." "I don't know." "I'm really sorry." "That's crazy." "Yeah?" "Yeah?" "Yeah?" "Yeah?" "Yeah?" And let's not forget: "Yeah?"

Those are really my only complaints with it so far, though. I LOVE the setting (I am a dirty little slut for Small Town America, and it takes place in a small town in Iowa ) and, idk if Darnielle is from a small town in Iowa, but if he isn't, I could've been convinced otherwise. The setting feels very fleshed out, which is nice, and sort of re-adds some immersion lost with the characters ig.

But yeah, all and all, an interesting af read. The plot is VERY intriguing - I have like a trillion lightning bolts of inquiry ricocheting in my colon and buzzing out the ass, and more and more just build up inside me as I read. Would I recommend it so far? Probably. The bland-ass, corn flake-ass characters sort of ruin it, but I'd be a damn liar if I said I wasn't hooked on the plot.

Also I saw you mention Mister Magic by Kiersten White in another post... YOU ARE LITERALLY SO GOATED WTFFF I SENT YOU A FRIEND REQUEST LIKE INSTANTLY. Hide by Kiersten White is one of my favorite novels EVER, and Kiersten White herself is a MASSIVE inspiration for me as an author. I pre-ordered Mister Magic, and am trying to speedrun my to-read list before I get to it lol. How was it? NO SPOILERS - but just, like, how was it in general?